I think it's about time to introduce you to my mother-in-law.....we'll call her Jean for privacy purposes. She lives in Albuquerque and is quite independent and active for an 85 year old woman. To tell you the truth....she's in great shape for a woman many years her junior. I hope to be doing so well when I am in my 80's.
Jean has lead quite the interesting life. She was born in a relatively small town in Texas. But she married a career air force officer and has traveled the world during and after his service. They lived in 8 different states in this country as well as in France, Japan and Taiwan. In fact Chris was born in Japan and graduated from high school in Taiwan. They eventually retired in New Mexico because the weather and flying opportunities were so wonderful there.
I won't tell you right here and now about all the fabulous places Jean has been, but I will tell you about a few. Among the more memorable trips in recent years was one to the Galapagos Islands. Now mind you this involved getting off and on a small boat to visit the islands and even sleeping on that boat. As I recall, there was eating of some pretty exotic food also. Another adventurous trip included Southeast Asia and sleeping on a water barge during some rather extreme weather conditions. My personal opinion...Jean is one tough cookie and loves to travel and continuously learn new things.
Her most recent trip was to Morocco, another relatively exotic locale. She stopped in Dallas to visit on her way going and coming back. So we were able to hear about her plans before the trip and then about the adventures she had actually experienced upon her return. There were many bazaars, the typical Moroccan architecture, multiple medinas and of course the colorful pots, scarves and rugs. Take a look at http://www.travelblog.org/Africa/Morocco/Marrakech-Tensift-El-Haouz/Marrakech/photos-page-1.html for some truly amazing pictures of the country that I found on the web. Her favorite city was Marrakech and she rode the proverbial camel through a horrific dust storm to watch the sunset. All in all it was a lovely tour involving travel on a bus with about 30 people from multiple countries (all of whom spoke English) and their tour guide.
Chalk that up as another country Jean can cross off her list. What's next....a question she was asked quite often by a fellow traveler? Who knows what adventure awaits the fearless Jean. We should all be as lucky as Jean.....to enjoy good health and exotic travel into our 80's. I know all of you are very healthy and energetic, but if you know of someone who needs a helping hand, then please have them call our office for a free consultation.
Take a look at our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com and see how we can help. Call 214-389-9401 today for help with personal care, homemaking, companionship or respite care. Thanks for listening and I'll be back soon. Please make a comment if there is something else you would like to know or if you have a similar story to tell. Until next time,
Jan
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Symptoms of Caregiver Burnout
I decided to branch out a little from my usual personal story telling and provide some important information. I am attending a monthly support group for caregivers. Even though I don't currently assist with my dad's day to day personal care.....thankfully he doesn't presently need that.....I help him daily with something. I help with everything from paying his bills to looking up phone numbers to reminding him to take his medication and to stay hydrated. So I have found it to be extremely eye opening to attend these classes.
While I have learned a lot from the instructor, I have also learned from the other attendees. And just hearing the stories of other caregivers has helped me to appreciate my own situation and family. So many people across the country are struggling with helping their aging parents. I guess one thing that has surprised me the most is how often the children squabble among themselves about how to help their parents and who will do it best.
One handout I recently received was Symptoms of Caregiver Burnout . This list is courtesy of the Area Agency on Aging 2005 Family Caregiver Education. It includes:
1. Disrupted sleep patterns.
2. Altered eating patterns.
3. Increased sugar consumption or use of alcohol or drugs.
4. Increased smoking or strong desire to start again.
5. Frequent headaches or sudden onset of back pain.
6. Increased reliance on over-the-counter pain remedies or prescribed drugs.
7. Irritability.
8. High levels of fear or anxiety.
9. Impatience.
10. The inability to handle one or more problems or crises.
11. Overreacting to commonplace accidents.
12. Overreacting to criticism.
13. Overreacting with anger toward a spouse, child or older care recipient.
14. Alienation.
15. Feeling emotional withdrawal.
16. Feeling trapped.
17. Thinking of disappearing or running away.
18. Not being able to laugh or feel joy.
19. Withdrawing from activities and the lives of others.
20. Feeling hopeless most of the time.
21. Loss of compassion.
22. Resenting the care recipient and/or the situation.
23. Neglecting or mistreating the care recipient.
24. Frequently feeling totally alone even though friends and family are present.
25. Wishing simply to "have the whole thing over with."
26. Playing the "if only" games; saying over and over "If only this would happen: or "If only this hadn't happened."
Wow...26...that's a lot. I think I have felt 1 or more of those even before I was a caregiver. But we do experience so many feelings and emotions when we are providing care for a loved one, even if it is from afar. We must take care of ourselves first in order to be able to care for others. Please look out for yourself. If you need a break or want to get away, then please call us. Let us provide some much needed respite care. Call us at 214-389-9401 and be sure to visit our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com for more information and tips.
I'll be back soon with more personal news. Until next time,
Jan
While I have learned a lot from the instructor, I have also learned from the other attendees. And just hearing the stories of other caregivers has helped me to appreciate my own situation and family. So many people across the country are struggling with helping their aging parents. I guess one thing that has surprised me the most is how often the children squabble among themselves about how to help their parents and who will do it best.
One handout I recently received was Symptoms of Caregiver Burnout . This list is courtesy of the Area Agency on Aging 2005 Family Caregiver Education. It includes:
1. Disrupted sleep patterns.
2. Altered eating patterns.
3. Increased sugar consumption or use of alcohol or drugs.
4. Increased smoking or strong desire to start again.
5. Frequent headaches or sudden onset of back pain.
6. Increased reliance on over-the-counter pain remedies or prescribed drugs.
7. Irritability.
8. High levels of fear or anxiety.
9. Impatience.
10. The inability to handle one or more problems or crises.
11. Overreacting to commonplace accidents.
12. Overreacting to criticism.
13. Overreacting with anger toward a spouse, child or older care recipient.
14. Alienation.
15. Feeling emotional withdrawal.
16. Feeling trapped.
17. Thinking of disappearing or running away.
18. Not being able to laugh or feel joy.
19. Withdrawing from activities and the lives of others.
20. Feeling hopeless most of the time.
21. Loss of compassion.
22. Resenting the care recipient and/or the situation.
23. Neglecting or mistreating the care recipient.
24. Frequently feeling totally alone even though friends and family are present.
25. Wishing simply to "have the whole thing over with."
26. Playing the "if only" games; saying over and over "If only this would happen: or "If only this hadn't happened."
Wow...26...that's a lot. I think I have felt 1 or more of those even before I was a caregiver. But we do experience so many feelings and emotions when we are providing care for a loved one, even if it is from afar. We must take care of ourselves first in order to be able to care for others. Please look out for yourself. If you need a break or want to get away, then please call us. Let us provide some much needed respite care. Call us at 214-389-9401 and be sure to visit our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com for more information and tips.
I'll be back soon with more personal news. Until next time,
Jan
Monday, March 8, 2010
Time to say "goodbye."
With my dad safely back at home in Houston, we spent our week working and closing out the end of the year. We had a nice time with our daughter as she finished her vacation with us and prepared to leave for South America. December 31st arrived and we were off to Houston for some final activities.
Early Thursday morning the 3 of us headed out. Our first stop was my old house, the setting for our previous adventure "Operation Clean Sweep." It looked unbelieveably good. It's amazing what a fresh coat of paint, clean floors and removal of years' worth of trash....I mean treasure can do for an old house. The men were still working and updates would be needed, but for the first time I could actually see the house becoming a new dream home for another family.
Next stop a quick lunch at Los Tios. Nobody does Tex-Mex or makes chile con queso "puffs" like they do. Then it was on to see Dad and his new digs. Of course Chris and I had been there before, but our daughter "C" had not. And obviously since we were in Houston, we wanted to see Dad again. We helped him move some furniture, dropped off a few things, visited and were soon out the door. Again, he was not ready yet to see my mother's grave. It was still too painful and emotionally "raw" for him. So we would be going alone.
We stopped a few places, but could not find appropriate flowers for her grave. We had to visit empty handed. But I was so pleased when we arrived. My mother is buried in a National Cemetery because my father had served in the military. Just like at Arlington National Cemetery, wreaths had been placed at all the graves. It was a beautiful sight.
Thanks to modern technology and the site locator, we quickly found my mother's final resting place. I took some pictures and we paused to pay our respects and to say goodbye. Sadly, there were already 3 or 4 new rows of additonal sites for people who had died and been buried since my mother's passing. So many WWII veterans and their spouses are dying every day. We were very pleased with everything we saw and felt comfortable with this cemetery. We had been there for the service in October, but it was held at a central location. Loved ones cannot visit the grave until after the burial and the marker is placed several weeks later.
On to the airport for another farewell. "C" was leaving for a school trip to Chile for 3 weeks. She would then be going back to grad school in California, so again I had to say goodbye. I can tell you now that she had a fabulous trip, learned a lot and loved the people. I am so thankful she was back before the big earthquake, not that California doesn't have its share of problems. I always cry for about 2 minutes, but then I bounce back and am fine. I am grateful for the time I am able to spend with my children, but am pleased that they spread their wings and are off doing what they love.
Last stop....back to my brother's house to pick up a piece of furniture and the last of the memories from my old home, my parents' house. We had not been able to bring back everything from the house when we had cleaned and emptied it earlier in December. We had stored some things at my brother's. We had a quick visit with them, loaded the car and off we went.
A four hour drive and a quick stop for dinner later, we were back home in Dallas. We even arrived home in time to watch the ball drop and toast in the new year with a glass of champagne. It had been a long and emotional day, but also one filled with satisfaction and accomplishment. I was able to say goodbye to several places and people and to feel contentment with life moving on and the cycle it follows.
Next time I will write about another family member and her incredible journeys at the age of 85. Don't worry...I will keep you posted on my dad and his antics. He attended the Houston Symphony recently and can now cross that off his "Bucket List" so to speak. He had not been there in years.
Thanks again. Until next time,
Jan
Early Thursday morning the 3 of us headed out. Our first stop was my old house, the setting for our previous adventure "Operation Clean Sweep." It looked unbelieveably good. It's amazing what a fresh coat of paint, clean floors and removal of years' worth of trash....I mean treasure can do for an old house. The men were still working and updates would be needed, but for the first time I could actually see the house becoming a new dream home for another family.
Next stop a quick lunch at Los Tios. Nobody does Tex-Mex or makes chile con queso "puffs" like they do. Then it was on to see Dad and his new digs. Of course Chris and I had been there before, but our daughter "C" had not. And obviously since we were in Houston, we wanted to see Dad again. We helped him move some furniture, dropped off a few things, visited and were soon out the door. Again, he was not ready yet to see my mother's grave. It was still too painful and emotionally "raw" for him. So we would be going alone.
We stopped a few places, but could not find appropriate flowers for her grave. We had to visit empty handed. But I was so pleased when we arrived. My mother is buried in a National Cemetery because my father had served in the military. Just like at Arlington National Cemetery, wreaths had been placed at all the graves. It was a beautiful sight.
Thanks to modern technology and the site locator, we quickly found my mother's final resting place. I took some pictures and we paused to pay our respects and to say goodbye. Sadly, there were already 3 or 4 new rows of additonal sites for people who had died and been buried since my mother's passing. So many WWII veterans and their spouses are dying every day. We were very pleased with everything we saw and felt comfortable with this cemetery. We had been there for the service in October, but it was held at a central location. Loved ones cannot visit the grave until after the burial and the marker is placed several weeks later.
On to the airport for another farewell. "C" was leaving for a school trip to Chile for 3 weeks. She would then be going back to grad school in California, so again I had to say goodbye. I can tell you now that she had a fabulous trip, learned a lot and loved the people. I am so thankful she was back before the big earthquake, not that California doesn't have its share of problems. I always cry for about 2 minutes, but then I bounce back and am fine. I am grateful for the time I am able to spend with my children, but am pleased that they spread their wings and are off doing what they love.
Last stop....back to my brother's house to pick up a piece of furniture and the last of the memories from my old home, my parents' house. We had not been able to bring back everything from the house when we had cleaned and emptied it earlier in December. We had stored some things at my brother's. We had a quick visit with them, loaded the car and off we went.
A four hour drive and a quick stop for dinner later, we were back home in Dallas. We even arrived home in time to watch the ball drop and toast in the new year with a glass of champagne. It had been a long and emotional day, but also one filled with satisfaction and accomplishment. I was able to say goodbye to several places and people and to feel contentment with life moving on and the cycle it follows.
Next time I will write about another family member and her incredible journeys at the age of 85. Don't worry...I will keep you posted on my dad and his antics. He attended the Houston Symphony recently and can now cross that off his "Bucket List" so to speak. He had not been there in years.
Thanks again. Until next time,
Jan
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