47 years of memories, collections and junk

This past weekend ......well over the long Thanksgiving holiday, Chris and I went down to Houston to help move my father out of his house/home of the last 47 years and into his new senior independent living home. Now mind you we were prepared for a battle; my father is not the most co-operative person I know. And I certainly understand and am empathetic and sympathetic with his mourning. It is kind of a double whammy...first losing his wife and now his home with all of his memories. But it was his decision to move, partly for the very reason that those memories are just too painful to live with night and day. But what transpired over the course of those 3 long days was painful and physically as well as emotionally draining.

I'll begin with early Thursday afternoon. Our plan was to move his dining room table and chairs in our SUV over to his new place. We wanted to enjoy a small Thanksgiving dinner together and begin to help him assimilate into his new surroundings. We would also then begin deciding what other furniture he would be taking, since the truck and movers were arriving Friday morning. After completing this 30 minute task in about 3 hours, we met our first obstacle. My father did not want to come with us to eat at his new home. Since the TV was not hooked up yet, he wanted to stay home and watch the UT - A&M football game. I won't tell you which team he was cheering for, but I will tell you that he has at least 3 burnt orange turtlenecks and a pair of bright orange Nike Shocks. Needless to say, Chris and I spent Thanksgiving evening alone eating our dinner and unpacking the first round of my father's goods. Not that we aren't college football fans. On the contrary, we love it. We just had a daunting task to accomplish in a limited amount of time and were able to keep up with the score on our laptop.

Friday morning we began preparing the essential furniture to be moved. With my mother being ill for the past 7 years and my father not being the best housekeeper even with help, all of the furniture had to be cleaned. My father stayed back, but by 4:00 that afternoon, we had cleaned and moved all the furniture required for a single person to live quite comfortably. Moving is never easy, but with a stubborn, grieving father involved, it can become a major headache. I think I learned some new swear words that afternoon....for sure there were some I cannot repeat here. Next began the somewhat easier task of preparing the bath and kitchen for use. Ten meals are served during the week, but Dad will still have to prepare and eat some in his apartment. I tried to convince him of the new motto, "less is better.....small is the new big." So we only wanted to move 4-6 sets of essential dishes. Surprisingly, we met that goal.

Saturday would be the big push to move his clothes, medicine and toiletries. The decorations, paintings, pictures, personal mementos would follow in a week or two. One of my father's best friends came over to help him get organized and to nudge him along. Our goal was to have him start spending the night there on Saturday. We knew that if we moved the televisions, microwave and telephone he would be a willing participant. During our time of moving furniture and being in and out of his place, we met 10 - 15 of his new neighbors. What a lovely bunch of folks they were. They were anxious and excited about meeting my father, showing him the ropes and helping him feel welcomed. So we were quite confident that he would begin to love it as soon he spent some time there. Success. After 1 morning trip of moving and another final load prepared, he was ready to go. His friend was going to take him on a quick errand and Chris and I needed to head back to Big D. So unfortunately, we were not present when he arrived and had his first impression of our handywork and decorating skills.

I am pleased to report that he spent a first comfortable night and his wonderful next door neighbor even drove him to his church Sunday morning. The cable people came late that afternoon and after several hours he was "plugged in" and ready to go with television and phone. Hopefully he will go down to the computer room, have some lessons and begin e-mailing us soon. His neighbor was also going to knock on his door early this morning, escort him down to breakfast and introduce my father to people. My father never met a stranger or anybody he didn't like, so I am confident he will have more friends than he can keep up with by the end of this week. I have not yet spoken with him today because he had several medical appointments, but I cannot wait to hear about breakfast.

One task accomplished....and that was quite a big one. The next huge hurdle is cleaning and emptying his house. You can probably imagine how much someone with 3 kids and who is a packrat himself, has accumulated in 47 years. Some items are definitely treasures and wonderful memories and will be treated as such. But there is also a massive amount of "junk" that will have to be disposed of properly. So it will be all hands on deck for that job. Our older daughter and her husband who will take no prisoners.....so to speak, are flying in from Portland to help with what I call "operation clean sweep on _________ Drive." In a short 5 days with my brother's help, we hope to have things recycled, thrown away, sold, boxed up for personal use and the rest donated. So please stay tuned. I promise to report on our success, along with our frustrations and tears in 2 weeks....maybe even a few new swear words.

As you can see, Chris and I have and are going through the same struggles as you and your loved ones. Please visit our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com and give us a call at 214-389-9401 if we can be of any assistance to you and your family.

Thanks and I'll see you soon.
Jan

All good things must come to an end!

I'm sorry to say that my mother passed away a few weeks ago. She had been ill and not herself for quite a few years, so it really was a blessing....as the saying goes. I also always heard that you never really grow up until you lose your mother and I have encountered a bit of that myself in the past few weeks. I was never the strong or "tough one" in the family, but have had to take on some new roles recently. I wrote my mother's eulogy and spoke at her memorial service, something I detest even under the best of circumstances. I think she would have been proud of me.

As with all funerals, there were tears, hugs, flowers, kind words and even some laughter. There were also lots of memories, pictures and seeing old relatives. I made lots of phone calls for my dad...even had to track down a great aunt, with whom we had lost touch. Thanks to the magic of the computer and internet, I was able to find several of her nieces. I discovered that sweet Aunt Gene celebrated her 99th birthday in September and is still going strong, although she is living in a nursing home now after recent hip replacement surgery.

Chris and I had lived in the Midwest for about 20 years, so had not been able to attend some of the more recent events of some relatives. It was a great joy to see one of my favorite cousins who I had not seen for 19 years. It was also wonderful to visit with my aunt and uncle I had not seen in quite a while. There were also the old family friends I had missed for probably 25 years. I also enjoyed phone calls from people with whom I had lost touch. Another old favorite saying, "Nothing like weddings and funerals to bring out the folks", also appeared to be true here.

Now begins the difficult task of helping my father in any way I can. I have comforted him, written all his thank you notes, tried to console him, shared his heartbreak and just listened as he expressed his sorrow and grief. We have also begun finding him a senior living facility and planned for his moving and then finally arranged for cleaning out their home of 47 years. Our children are coming in from the West Coast to help with that final stage.....they are wonderful planners, organizers, cleaners and just plain old doers.

I treasure so many memories of my mother. If I do say so myself, she did a great job of raising me and my siblings. She was also a wonderful grandmother to our daughters and her other grandchildren. She always had a special area for their toys and books. She was very patient and made time for each and every one of them and their special events in life. She also loved spending time with her friends, some of whom she had known since elementary school growing up in San Antonio. But of course it is her beloved husband of 65 years, my father who will truly miss her the most.

Check back soon. I promise to keep you posted on our progress of moving my father out and of helping him adjust to life after "A".

Jan