This past weekend ......well over the long Thanksgiving holiday, Chris and I went down to Houston to help move my father out of his house/home of the last 47 years and into his new senior independent living home. Now mind you we were prepared for a battle; my father is not the most co-operative person I know. And I certainly understand and am empathetic and sympathetic with his mourning. It is kind of a double whammy...first losing his wife and now his home with all of his memories. But it was his decision to move, partly for the very reason that those memories are just too painful to live with night and day. But what transpired over the course of those 3 long days was painful and physically as well as emotionally draining.
I'll begin with early Thursday afternoon. Our plan was to move his dining room table and chairs in our SUV over to his new place. We wanted to enjoy a small Thanksgiving dinner together and begin to help him assimilate into his new surroundings. We would also then begin deciding what other furniture he would be taking, since the truck and movers were arriving Friday morning. After completing this 30 minute task in about 3 hours, we met our first obstacle. My father did not want to come with us to eat at his new home. Since the TV was not hooked up yet, he wanted to stay home and watch the UT - A&M football game. I won't tell you which team he was cheering for, but I will tell you that he has at least 3 burnt orange turtlenecks and a pair of bright orange Nike Shocks. Needless to say, Chris and I spent Thanksgiving evening alone eating our dinner and unpacking the first round of my father's goods. Not that we aren't college football fans. On the contrary, we love it. We just had a daunting task to accomplish in a limited amount of time and were able to keep up with the score on our laptop.
Friday morning we began preparing the essential furniture to be moved. With my mother being ill for the past 7 years and my father not being the best housekeeper even with help, all of the furniture had to be cleaned. My father stayed back, but by 4:00 that afternoon, we had cleaned and moved all the furniture required for a single person to live quite comfortably. Moving is never easy, but with a stubborn, grieving father involved, it can become a major headache. I think I learned some new swear words that afternoon....for sure there were some I cannot repeat here. Next began the somewhat easier task of preparing the bath and kitchen for use. Ten meals are served during the week, but Dad will still have to prepare and eat some in his apartment. I tried to convince him of the new motto, "less is better.....small is the new big." So we only wanted to move 4-6 sets of essential dishes. Surprisingly, we met that goal.
Saturday would be the big push to move his clothes, medicine and toiletries. The decorations, paintings, pictures, personal mementos would follow in a week or two. One of my father's best friends came over to help him get organized and to nudge him along. Our goal was to have him start spending the night there on Saturday. We knew that if we moved the televisions, microwave and telephone he would be a willing participant. During our time of moving furniture and being in and out of his place, we met 10 - 15 of his new neighbors. What a lovely bunch of folks they were. They were anxious and excited about meeting my father, showing him the ropes and helping him feel welcomed. So we were quite confident that he would begin to love it as soon he spent some time there. Success. After 1 morning trip of moving and another final load prepared, he was ready to go. His friend was going to take him on a quick errand and Chris and I needed to head back to Big D. So unfortunately, we were not present when he arrived and had his first impression of our handywork and decorating skills.
I am pleased to report that he spent a first comfortable night and his wonderful next door neighbor even drove him to his church Sunday morning. The cable people came late that afternoon and after several hours he was "plugged in" and ready to go with television and phone. Hopefully he will go down to the computer room, have some lessons and begin e-mailing us soon. His neighbor was also going to knock on his door early this morning, escort him down to breakfast and introduce my father to people. My father never met a stranger or anybody he didn't like, so I am confident he will have more friends than he can keep up with by the end of this week. I have not yet spoken with him today because he had several medical appointments, but I cannot wait to hear about breakfast.
One task accomplished....and that was quite a big one. The next huge hurdle is cleaning and emptying his house. You can probably imagine how much someone with 3 kids and who is a packrat himself, has accumulated in 47 years. Some items are definitely treasures and wonderful memories and will be treated as such. But there is also a massive amount of "junk" that will have to be disposed of properly. So it will be all hands on deck for that job. Our older daughter and her husband who will take no prisoners.....so to speak, are flying in from Portland to help with what I call "operation clean sweep on _________ Drive." In a short 5 days with my brother's help, we hope to have things recycled, thrown away, sold, boxed up for personal use and the rest donated. So please stay tuned. I promise to report on our success, along with our frustrations and tears in 2 weeks....maybe even a few new swear words.
As you can see, Chris and I have and are going through the same struggles as you and your loved ones. Please visit our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com and give us a call at 214-389-9401 if we can be of any assistance to you and your family.
Thanks and I'll see you soon.
Jan
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