This past weekend ......well over the long Thanksgiving holiday, Chris and I went down to Houston to help move my father out of his house/home of the last 47 years and into his new senior independent living home. Now mind you we were prepared for a battle; my father is not the most co-operative person I know. And I certainly understand and am empathetic and sympathetic with his mourning. It is kind of a double whammy...first losing his wife and now his home with all of his memories. But it was his decision to move, partly for the very reason that those memories are just too painful to live with night and day. But what transpired over the course of those 3 long days was painful and physically as well as emotionally draining.
I'll begin with early Thursday afternoon. Our plan was to move his dining room table and chairs in our SUV over to his new place. We wanted to enjoy a small Thanksgiving dinner together and begin to help him assimilate into his new surroundings. We would also then begin deciding what other furniture he would be taking, since the truck and movers were arriving Friday morning. After completing this 30 minute task in about 3 hours, we met our first obstacle. My father did not want to come with us to eat at his new home. Since the TV was not hooked up yet, he wanted to stay home and watch the UT - A&M football game. I won't tell you which team he was cheering for, but I will tell you that he has at least 3 burnt orange turtlenecks and a pair of bright orange Nike Shocks. Needless to say, Chris and I spent Thanksgiving evening alone eating our dinner and unpacking the first round of my father's goods. Not that we aren't college football fans. On the contrary, we love it. We just had a daunting task to accomplish in a limited amount of time and were able to keep up with the score on our laptop.
Friday morning we began preparing the essential furniture to be moved. With my mother being ill for the past 7 years and my father not being the best housekeeper even with help, all of the furniture had to be cleaned. My father stayed back, but by 4:00 that afternoon, we had cleaned and moved all the furniture required for a single person to live quite comfortably. Moving is never easy, but with a stubborn, grieving father involved, it can become a major headache. I think I learned some new swear words that afternoon....for sure there were some I cannot repeat here. Next began the somewhat easier task of preparing the bath and kitchen for use. Ten meals are served during the week, but Dad will still have to prepare and eat some in his apartment. I tried to convince him of the new motto, "less is better.....small is the new big." So we only wanted to move 4-6 sets of essential dishes. Surprisingly, we met that goal.
Saturday would be the big push to move his clothes, medicine and toiletries. The decorations, paintings, pictures, personal mementos would follow in a week or two. One of my father's best friends came over to help him get organized and to nudge him along. Our goal was to have him start spending the night there on Saturday. We knew that if we moved the televisions, microwave and telephone he would be a willing participant. During our time of moving furniture and being in and out of his place, we met 10 - 15 of his new neighbors. What a lovely bunch of folks they were. They were anxious and excited about meeting my father, showing him the ropes and helping him feel welcomed. So we were quite confident that he would begin to love it as soon he spent some time there. Success. After 1 morning trip of moving and another final load prepared, he was ready to go. His friend was going to take him on a quick errand and Chris and I needed to head back to Big D. So unfortunately, we were not present when he arrived and had his first impression of our handywork and decorating skills.
I am pleased to report that he spent a first comfortable night and his wonderful next door neighbor even drove him to his church Sunday morning. The cable people came late that afternoon and after several hours he was "plugged in" and ready to go with television and phone. Hopefully he will go down to the computer room, have some lessons and begin e-mailing us soon. His neighbor was also going to knock on his door early this morning, escort him down to breakfast and introduce my father to people. My father never met a stranger or anybody he didn't like, so I am confident he will have more friends than he can keep up with by the end of this week. I have not yet spoken with him today because he had several medical appointments, but I cannot wait to hear about breakfast.
One task accomplished....and that was quite a big one. The next huge hurdle is cleaning and emptying his house. You can probably imagine how much someone with 3 kids and who is a packrat himself, has accumulated in 47 years. Some items are definitely treasures and wonderful memories and will be treated as such. But there is also a massive amount of "junk" that will have to be disposed of properly. So it will be all hands on deck for that job. Our older daughter and her husband who will take no prisoners.....so to speak, are flying in from Portland to help with what I call "operation clean sweep on _________ Drive." In a short 5 days with my brother's help, we hope to have things recycled, thrown away, sold, boxed up for personal use and the rest donated. So please stay tuned. I promise to report on our success, along with our frustrations and tears in 2 weeks....maybe even a few new swear words.
As you can see, Chris and I have and are going through the same struggles as you and your loved ones. Please visit our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com and give us a call at 214-389-9401 if we can be of any assistance to you and your family.
Thanks and I'll see you soon.
Jan
Monday, November 30, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
All good things must come to an end!
I'm sorry to say that my mother passed away a few weeks ago. She had been ill and not herself for quite a few years, so it really was a blessing....as the saying goes. I also always heard that you never really grow up until you lose your mother and I have encountered a bit of that myself in the past few weeks. I was never the strong or "tough one" in the family, but have had to take on some new roles recently. I wrote my mother's eulogy and spoke at her memorial service, something I detest even under the best of circumstances. I think she would have been proud of me.
As with all funerals, there were tears, hugs, flowers, kind words and even some laughter. There were also lots of memories, pictures and seeing old relatives. I made lots of phone calls for my dad...even had to track down a great aunt, with whom we had lost touch. Thanks to the magic of the computer and internet, I was able to find several of her nieces. I discovered that sweet Aunt Gene celebrated her 99th birthday in September and is still going strong, although she is living in a nursing home now after recent hip replacement surgery.
Chris and I had lived in the Midwest for about 20 years, so had not been able to attend some of the more recent events of some relatives. It was a great joy to see one of my favorite cousins who I had not seen for 19 years. It was also wonderful to visit with my aunt and uncle I had not seen in quite a while. There were also the old family friends I had missed for probably 25 years. I also enjoyed phone calls from people with whom I had lost touch. Another old favorite saying, "Nothing like weddings and funerals to bring out the folks", also appeared to be true here.
Now begins the difficult task of helping my father in any way I can. I have comforted him, written all his thank you notes, tried to console him, shared his heartbreak and just listened as he expressed his sorrow and grief. We have also begun finding him a senior living facility and planned for his moving and then finally arranged for cleaning out their home of 47 years. Our children are coming in from the West Coast to help with that final stage.....they are wonderful planners, organizers, cleaners and just plain old doers.
I treasure so many memories of my mother. If I do say so myself, she did a great job of raising me and my siblings. She was also a wonderful grandmother to our daughters and her other grandchildren. She always had a special area for their toys and books. She was very patient and made time for each and every one of them and their special events in life. She also loved spending time with her friends, some of whom she had known since elementary school growing up in San Antonio. But of course it is her beloved husband of 65 years, my father who will truly miss her the most.
Check back soon. I promise to keep you posted on our progress of moving my father out and of helping him adjust to life after "A".
Jan
As with all funerals, there were tears, hugs, flowers, kind words and even some laughter. There were also lots of memories, pictures and seeing old relatives. I made lots of phone calls for my dad...even had to track down a great aunt, with whom we had lost touch. Thanks to the magic of the computer and internet, I was able to find several of her nieces. I discovered that sweet Aunt Gene celebrated her 99th birthday in September and is still going strong, although she is living in a nursing home now after recent hip replacement surgery.
Chris and I had lived in the Midwest for about 20 years, so had not been able to attend some of the more recent events of some relatives. It was a great joy to see one of my favorite cousins who I had not seen for 19 years. It was also wonderful to visit with my aunt and uncle I had not seen in quite a while. There were also the old family friends I had missed for probably 25 years. I also enjoyed phone calls from people with whom I had lost touch. Another old favorite saying, "Nothing like weddings and funerals to bring out the folks", also appeared to be true here.
Now begins the difficult task of helping my father in any way I can. I have comforted him, written all his thank you notes, tried to console him, shared his heartbreak and just listened as he expressed his sorrow and grief. We have also begun finding him a senior living facility and planned for his moving and then finally arranged for cleaning out their home of 47 years. Our children are coming in from the West Coast to help with that final stage.....they are wonderful planners, organizers, cleaners and just plain old doers.
I treasure so many memories of my mother. If I do say so myself, she did a great job of raising me and my siblings. She was also a wonderful grandmother to our daughters and her other grandchildren. She always had a special area for their toys and books. She was very patient and made time for each and every one of them and their special events in life. She also loved spending time with her friends, some of whom she had known since elementary school growing up in San Antonio. But of course it is her beloved husband of 65 years, my father who will truly miss her the most.
Check back soon. I promise to keep you posted on our progress of moving my father out and of helping him adjust to life after "A".
Jan
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Helping Aging Parents With Those Tough Decisions
One of the hardest things we have to face as the children of aging parents, is how to help them realize that they need help……..and then how to convince them to get it. While doing research for my own family, I came across this information in a Good Housekeeping article. I hope it can be of some help to you and your family also. If you wish to read the entire article, check it out at this website..........
http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/family/caring/aging-parents-care
Have the Conversation
The first move in gauging the help your parents need is having The Talk. You'll want to find out how much they've prepared for the future, legally and financially. For instance, do they have key legal documents such as a durable power of attorney and an up-to-date will? "Use your own experience to get the conversation going," advises Virginia Morris, author of How to Care for Aging Parents. "Say, 'I'm starting to do my own estate planning, and I wonder what you had drawn up.'" Or print out this article to show them and say, "This article says we should talk about where you keep your papers." It's vital to be prepared; otherwise, you may have to find these documents on your own if your parent, say, can no longer cover up worsening dementia.
If you've got a good relationship with your parents, tackle the tricky financial questions as well. Find out if they have long-term care insurance, and if not, how they plan on paying for nursing home care or in-home help if necessary. Again, tell your parents you're thinking about doing estate planning and wondered what financial choices they made. "Make it about you, rather than them," says Hugh Delehanty, editor in chief of AARP Publications — your parents are less likely to get defensive.
Get the Right Help
Once you have this information in hand, get your parents' perspective on how they think they are doing and their hopes for the future. Nearly 90 percent of adults over 50 say that they want to remain in their homes as long as they can. And many of them can stay put for years — with the right support. Here's how to determine the care they need and then match their needs with the most appropriate type of assistance.
If your parents are coherent but have trouble getting around, look into local transportation services and community meal programs like Meals on Wheels (whose staffers will check in on your parents periodically). These types of offerings are community-specific, and their prices vary. The local Area Agency on Aging can fill you in on what's available. Find an office near your parents at www.ccgd.org for the Dallas office or at www.nctcog.org for the North Central Texas office.
Dealing with Alzheimer's or Dementia
Memory loss goes hand in hand with getting older. It's completely normal for an older person to walk into the kitchen and occasionally wonder, "Now, why was I coming in here again?" But if your mother is, say, coming home from the supermarket empty-handed because she couldn't "find anything" on her grocery list, or if she keeps her cleaning supplies in the fridge, pay attention. These may be signs of dementia or Alzheimer's (see 10signs.org for more info). Talk to your parent's doctor to determine if Alzheimer's may be involved.
If the diagnosis is made, visit the Alzheimer's Association for information and access to support groups. A doctor who specializes in dementia care can prescribe medications that can delay the onset of symptoms, among other options. As the disease progresses, check out the MedicAlert + Safe Return program. For $50 up front and a $25 annual fee, your parent will get a bracelet or pendant identifying her as someone with dementia. If she is found wandering, responders can contact her caregiver or family and EMTs will be able to get her medical records.
After a diagnosis, your parent may be angry or in denial. Rather than dictating what should be done, involve her in the conversation. "Coming up with options and talking through them helps a parent feel a sense of control over her experience," says Peter Reed, Ph.D., senior director of programs for the Alzheimer’s Association.
Paperwork Prep
Learn where your parents keep their financial documents and medical information. This can avoid costly mistakes and let you know the extent of their resources. Here are some of the biggies (for a detailed list, check out the financial-planning area at mymoney.gov, and print one out for your folks).
• Wills
• Durable power of attorney (so someone can legally act on their behalf) and medical power of attorney
• Advance directive, like a living will, which states wishes for end-of-life care
• Life insurance policies
• Long-term-care policies
• Bank and brokerage accounts
• Social Security cards
• Medicare and health insurance cards
• Doctors' names and numbers
• List of medications
• Lawyer and accountant contact information
This is just some of the information I have discovered. I will be sharing more with you on an ongoing basis. Chris and I have both personally experienced much of this with our elderly parents. It can be a daunting task, sending everyone through the emotional wringer. But after the dust settles and the air is cleared, hopefully the family can make decisions and come to an agreement on how to proceed with their parents’ care.
Please visit our website at http://www.hereforyouhomecare.com/
to discover the services we are able to provide for your loved ones. We also offer a tip of the week on the website in addition to updated information and news in this blog. Thank you for spending time with me. I look forward to visiting with you again in the near future.
Jan
http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/family/caring/aging-parents-care
Have the Conversation
The first move in gauging the help your parents need is having The Talk. You'll want to find out how much they've prepared for the future, legally and financially. For instance, do they have key legal documents such as a durable power of attorney and an up-to-date will? "Use your own experience to get the conversation going," advises Virginia Morris, author of How to Care for Aging Parents. "Say, 'I'm starting to do my own estate planning, and I wonder what you had drawn up.'" Or print out this article to show them and say, "This article says we should talk about where you keep your papers." It's vital to be prepared; otherwise, you may have to find these documents on your own if your parent, say, can no longer cover up worsening dementia.
If you've got a good relationship with your parents, tackle the tricky financial questions as well. Find out if they have long-term care insurance, and if not, how they plan on paying for nursing home care or in-home help if necessary. Again, tell your parents you're thinking about doing estate planning and wondered what financial choices they made. "Make it about you, rather than them," says Hugh Delehanty, editor in chief of AARP Publications — your parents are less likely to get defensive.
Get the Right Help
Once you have this information in hand, get your parents' perspective on how they think they are doing and their hopes for the future. Nearly 90 percent of adults over 50 say that they want to remain in their homes as long as they can. And many of them can stay put for years — with the right support. Here's how to determine the care they need and then match their needs with the most appropriate type of assistance.
If your parents are coherent but have trouble getting around, look into local transportation services and community meal programs like Meals on Wheels (whose staffers will check in on your parents periodically). These types of offerings are community-specific, and their prices vary. The local Area Agency on Aging can fill you in on what's available. Find an office near your parents at www.ccgd.org for the Dallas office or at www.nctcog.org for the North Central Texas office.
Dealing with Alzheimer's or Dementia
Memory loss goes hand in hand with getting older. It's completely normal for an older person to walk into the kitchen and occasionally wonder, "Now, why was I coming in here again?" But if your mother is, say, coming home from the supermarket empty-handed because she couldn't "find anything" on her grocery list, or if she keeps her cleaning supplies in the fridge, pay attention. These may be signs of dementia or Alzheimer's (see 10signs.org for more info). Talk to your parent's doctor to determine if Alzheimer's may be involved.
If the diagnosis is made, visit the Alzheimer's Association for information and access to support groups. A doctor who specializes in dementia care can prescribe medications that can delay the onset of symptoms, among other options. As the disease progresses, check out the MedicAlert + Safe Return program. For $50 up front and a $25 annual fee, your parent will get a bracelet or pendant identifying her as someone with dementia. If she is found wandering, responders can contact her caregiver or family and EMTs will be able to get her medical records.
After a diagnosis, your parent may be angry or in denial. Rather than dictating what should be done, involve her in the conversation. "Coming up with options and talking through them helps a parent feel a sense of control over her experience," says Peter Reed, Ph.D., senior director of programs for the Alzheimer’s Association.
Paperwork Prep
Learn where your parents keep their financial documents and medical information. This can avoid costly mistakes and let you know the extent of their resources. Here are some of the biggies (for a detailed list, check out the financial-planning area at mymoney.gov, and print one out for your folks).
• Wills
• Durable power of attorney (so someone can legally act on their behalf) and medical power of attorney
• Advance directive, like a living will, which states wishes for end-of-life care
• Life insurance policies
• Long-term-care policies
• Bank and brokerage accounts
• Social Security cards
• Medicare and health insurance cards
• Doctors' names and numbers
• List of medications
• Lawyer and accountant contact information
This is just some of the information I have discovered. I will be sharing more with you on an ongoing basis. Chris and I have both personally experienced much of this with our elderly parents. It can be a daunting task, sending everyone through the emotional wringer. But after the dust settles and the air is cleared, hopefully the family can make decisions and come to an agreement on how to proceed with their parents’ care.
Please visit our website at http://www.hereforyouhomecare.com/
to discover the services we are able to provide for your loved ones. We also offer a tip of the week on the website in addition to updated information and news in this blog. Thank you for spending time with me. I look forward to visiting with you again in the near future.
Jan
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
A Little Bit About Us
Welcome to Here for You HomeCare. Please allow me to tell you a little bit about us and our newly formed company. My husband, Chris and I built this business from the ground up with our hearts, heads, hands and souls. After years of frustration watching the caregiving our parents were receiving in other cities, we felt like we could do a much better job. Even though we can’t personally care for our parents, we know there is a generation of “kids” just like us who feel helpless in their efforts to assist their aging parents living here in the Dallas area. We want to be here for you and for your loved ones.
After 20+ years in the education field as everything from an aide in an elementary school to a teacher and even chairperson of the special education department in a large high school, I have seen kids…students, even young adults with every conceivable background, issue and learning style. I knew I could use those same loving and caring qualities I had always possessed to help “the greatest generation” stay at home while living and growing old with dignity and grace.
While Chris has worked for the past 25 years in the telecom industry, he has acquired all of the business and accounting skills needed to incorporate and then manage a business. He has spent numerous hours and days caring for and providing financial advice and tax consultations with our aging grandparents, parents and aunts. I have witnessed first hand the kind and caring manner in which he lovingly, yet also determinedly helped his mother struggle with the most appropriate care for his dying father.
After making the huge decision and financial commitment to take this leap, we have spent the past 6 months studying, learning and taking classes on every conceivable aspect of a non-medical home care business. We even traveled to Michigan to complete an industry orientation and seminar. We have hired many wonderful, caring people of all ages and backgrounds who have a genuine desire to provide compassionate care to you or your loved one. From a technological aspect, we have purchased the use of the most advanced software to help us match these caregivers with the client based on a variety of skills, likes and dislikes. We also employ the use of telephony, an advanced phone-in system performing the time clock functions.
As you all have heard countless times, we are the “sandwich generation”, caught between our busy schedules with our children and helping our parents struggle with their increasingly difficult daily tasks. But here’s one I just recently heard for the first time, “the powdered butt syndrome.” Our parents do not want to listen to or receive care from someone whose behinds they used to powder. This is where an in-home care agency like ours can step in and help.
Here is what AARP has to say about in-home care:
Choosing an Agency for In-Home Care
There's no place like home.
That's why most people want to stay there as they age. However, sometimes people need in-home help to remain at home.
Homemaker services for household duties and non-medical personal care are provided by home care agencies. This could include preparing meals, bathing, dressing or moving around the house. Depending on the state, these agencies may or may not be licensed.
If you are considering hiring an agency to help a parent or other loved
one remain at home, there are things you need to think about and questions you should ask in order to get the highest quality of care available. You want to select an agency that will provide the services you need. Start by identifying what types of services you need. A doctor, care manager, or hospital discharge planner can help you with this list.Once a list of agencies is made:
- Call the agencies and ask them some initial questions about their services, costs and certification.
- Make appointments to meet with those that sound promising.
- When you meet in person, ask the rest of your questions and any others that come to mind.
The people providing services will have direct contact with your parent or loved one, so you will want to know as much about theirqualifications and experience as possible.
I can proudly say that Chris and I both meet with each potential caregiver to decide if they possess the personal qualities necessary to provide compassionate care to someone just like our mother or father. If they pass this meeting and a skills test, we conduct a rigorous background check including criminal, sex offender and misconduct registries, proof of vehicle insurance and driver’s license as well as phone calls to verify previous employment and personal references. All of that is followed up with a drug test and finally a thorough orientation and training session before they become an employee of Here for You HomeCare, where we provide insurance and pay all applicable taxes. After meeting with your family and completing a comprehensive safety check, we devise a plan of care to meet all of your loved one’s needs. Then and only then do we allow the caregiver ,who meets your requirements, into your home.
I hope that you and your family will take a look at us and what we have to offer…check us out at www.hereforyouhomecare.com and then give us a call. We would be honored to help your family ease into this time when we become the care providers or overseers as opposed to the ones receiving the care. I hope you’ll come back and read my blog again. I will be providing helpful tips, current articles and maybe even some personal experience as I watch from afar while my own mother begins hospice care in another Texas city.
See you soon, Jan
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