I want to tell you about our recent trip to Houston. We had not been down to see my dad in quite some time and thought that last weekend would be the perfect chance. Nobody would be busy with their 4th of July plans and we could stay with my brother and sister in law. My dad had undergone a recent heart procedure and I wanted to see for myself that he was doing okay.
We left early Saturday morning, after taking care of the usual weekend chores around our house. It was a pleasant drive except for a short 30 minute delay on I-45 while a funeral procession entered and then exited the freeway.
We stopped by the cemetery and visited my mother’s grave. It really is a lovely spot and will always be well maintained by the government, since it’s a national cemetery. Sadly though, there were so many new graves since we had last been there. The World War II veterans and their spouses are dying at such a rapid rate.
Next we headed for a quick bite of lunch at our favorite Tex-Mex restaurant. Of course the soccer game was on and that was fun to watch……for a while. We did not mind missing the end of the game, since the US unfortunately lost.
Then we were finally off to see my dad. He was in good shape and happy to see us. He always needs help with a few electronic devices, etc. Since his vision has deteriorated so much, the VA has given him a few new “toys” to help him.
He has a new telephone with huge numbers that makes it so much easier for him to place calls. The greatest device was a large “machine” upon which he can place newspapers and other reading material, that is then projected onto a background in huge type size that he can easily read. That is so perfect for him.
Our next stop was to Target to purchase an answering machine for his new phone and a surge protector for his new “reading machine.” We also bought a lock for his newly acquired storage unit, conveniently located at his senior living community, or at his apartment as he calls it.
I would love to have driven by our old home to see what is happening there with the new owners, but we just did not have enough time. Plus I’m sure the vast majority of work would have been going on inside and we would not have been able to see it anyway. Next time we will drive by there for sure.
We connected, assembled and plugged in all the new gadgets and gave my dad several lessons on them. I think his greatest difficulty is just that he can’t see well enough. It isn’t that he can’t figure them out.
By then it was time for dinner. We met my brother and sister in law and Dad took us all out to one of his favorite new little Italian restaurants close to him. It was a lovely evening and fun to catch up with all the happenings in our kids’ lives, etc. We drove Dad back to his apartment, made sure he was safely in (against his wishes), kissed goodbye and left for my brother’s house. We continued chatting until everyone was tired and ready for bed.
Chris and I had left MD in charge while we were gone for 1 night, so knew that everything was in good shape. We did, however, receive a call from a new client that afternoon. We needed to head back to Dallas early Sunday morning, so that we could meet personally with them in the afternoon. After stopping at our favorite bbq spot in Fairfield, we arrived home in plenty of time to prepare the documents and meet with the new clients.
While it always seems that our trips to Houston are so quick and not relaxing at all, they really are necessary. I have to see for myself that my dad is doing okay and help him with any projects that have to be done in person. Although I continue to assist him daily with paying bills, looking up phone numbers and simple conversation, there are just some things that can only be done in person. And Chris and I both love going down there and being able to do that.
Dad is still talking about coming up here later this month. It will be my mother’s birthday and his first without her in almost 70 years. I think that’s a grand idea. And while my dad does have a new caregiver who drives him and takes care of him from time to time, it will be nice for him to be away from Houston on that anniversary. Unfortunately, we were not able to meet her on this trip. That’s another next time event.
I hope that you enjoy this blog and hearing/reading about our family. We experience the same struggles and joys as you with caring about and for our parents. Call us at 214-389-9401 to discover the many ways we can help you experience the peace of mind in knowing that your loved one is well cared for. Look at our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com and find out about the VA benefit that could be available for your family.
More news, tips, information and chat will be coming your way soon. I plan on telling you about our daughters’ adventures. One is planning a houseboat trip in Canada and the younger one is experiencing the joys and dangers of living in New York City.
Thanks and I’ll see you next time, Jan
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Don't be a Victim
Here is another example of something seniors need to be aware of and we, as their children need to be constantly diligent about. This is a wonderful article I recently found and wanted to share.
One in five older Americans a victim of financial fraud: survey
New program enlists doctors to protect patients, but you can take steps now to stay safe
By Robert Powell , June 16, 2010 MarketWatch
BOSTON (MarketWatch) -- Whether it's a rebate check from Medicare, an oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, or any other headline news, there's likely a scam artist not far behind. And more often than not, the victim is an older American.
More than 7.3 million older Americans -- one out of every five citizens over the age of 65 -- already have been victimized by a financial swindle, according to a survey released Tuesday as part of World Elder Abuse Awareness Day.
One problem is that few professionals or adult children appear prepared to spot when an older American may be vulnerable to financial abuse. A new program launched Tuesday seeks to train medical professionals to assess when older patients might be likely to fall prey to elder investment fraud and financial exploitation.
The gist of this program is that medical professionals are in the best possible position to not only diagnose cases where elders are being swindled but also to alert state securities regulators or what some call "adult protective services professionals" about suspected investment fraud involving these at-risk patients.
This program, a new partnership between the Investor Protection Trust (IPT), the North American Securities Administrators Association, and the National Adult Protective Services Association (NAPSA), was based on a pilot program in Texas that produced three cases resulting in fines and prison sentences, including a 99-year sentence for one Edward S. Digges Jr. who raised at least $10 million from about 130 Texas investors, the majority of whom were elderly.
Financial concerns checklist
According to the Don Blandin, the president and chief executive of IPT, the centerpiece of the new program is the Clinician's Pocket Guide, which contains a list of questions that medical professionals can ask older patients. Doctors can get a sense of their patient's financial capacity by asking the following questions:
• Who manages your money day to day? How is that going?
• Do you run out of money at the end of the month?
• Do you regret or worry about financial decisions you've recently made?
• Have you given power of attorney to another person?
• Do you have a will? Has anyone asked you to change it?
If the answers to those questions raise suspicion, the doctors are then urged to probe for further details by asking whether the patient is having any of the following concerns:
• I have trouble paying bills because the bills are confusing to me.
• I don't feel confident making big financial decisions alone.
• I don't understand financial decisions that someone else is making for me.
• I give loans or gifts more than I can afford.
• My children or others are pressuring me to give them money.
• People are calling me or mailing me asking for money, lotteries.
• Someone is accessing my accounts or money seems to be disappearing.
If there's any cause for concern, the doctor is asked to consider sending the patient to one of four referral services. In fact, the doctor is required in most states to report cases where fraud or exploitation may have occurred to an adult protection service. In other cases, the doctor might send the patient for further medical testing for cognitive, neurological, or other conditions.
But there's no reason to wait on medical professionals to spot cases of elders who are being swindled. For instance, the program gives doctors a list of red flags. There's no reason why you -- either as an older American, an adult child of one, or a financial professional -- can't do the same. Ask yourself: Are you an older adult or do you know one who:
• is socially isolated, depressed or lonely?
• has experienced a change in the ability for self-care?
• depends on someone to provide everyday care?
• is uncomfortable with the person providing care?
• has just lost a loved one, such as a spouse?
• is financially responsible for an adult child or spouse?
• has given power of attorney to someone else to manage his or her finances?
If the answer to any of those questions is yes, then it might be well worth going into high-alert mode. In fact, it might be worth staying in high-alert for the rest of this century. Why? According to Blandin, those elders at greatest risk of being scammed are those with mild cognitive impairment who can perform most daily functions, but have trouble or become confused with others, such as following their medicine regimen or managing their finances. That may be quite a few people.
According to at least one study, more than one-third of the 25 million people over age 71 in the U.S. either have Alzheimer's or mild cognitive impairment. That represents quite a few potential scams.
The local police department can provide information about any scam or fraud that is currently taking place in the area. Please call us at 214-389-9401 if we can be of help to you or your loved one. And come back often to our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com for more news you can use. Thanks for reading today,
Jan
One in five older Americans a victim of financial fraud: survey
New program enlists doctors to protect patients, but you can take steps now to stay safe
By Robert Powell , June 16, 2010 MarketWatch
BOSTON (MarketWatch) -- Whether it's a rebate check from Medicare, an oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, or any other headline news, there's likely a scam artist not far behind. And more often than not, the victim is an older American.
More than 7.3 million older Americans -- one out of every five citizens over the age of 65 -- already have been victimized by a financial swindle, according to a survey released Tuesday as part of World Elder Abuse Awareness Day.
One problem is that few professionals or adult children appear prepared to spot when an older American may be vulnerable to financial abuse. A new program launched Tuesday seeks to train medical professionals to assess when older patients might be likely to fall prey to elder investment fraud and financial exploitation.
The gist of this program is that medical professionals are in the best possible position to not only diagnose cases where elders are being swindled but also to alert state securities regulators or what some call "adult protective services professionals" about suspected investment fraud involving these at-risk patients.
This program, a new partnership between the Investor Protection Trust (IPT), the North American Securities Administrators Association, and the National Adult Protective Services Association (NAPSA), was based on a pilot program in Texas that produced three cases resulting in fines and prison sentences, including a 99-year sentence for one Edward S. Digges Jr. who raised at least $10 million from about 130 Texas investors, the majority of whom were elderly.
Financial concerns checklist
According to the Don Blandin, the president and chief executive of IPT, the centerpiece of the new program is the Clinician's Pocket Guide, which contains a list of questions that medical professionals can ask older patients. Doctors can get a sense of their patient's financial capacity by asking the following questions:
• Who manages your money day to day? How is that going?
• Do you run out of money at the end of the month?
• Do you regret or worry about financial decisions you've recently made?
• Have you given power of attorney to another person?
• Do you have a will? Has anyone asked you to change it?
If the answers to those questions raise suspicion, the doctors are then urged to probe for further details by asking whether the patient is having any of the following concerns:
• I have trouble paying bills because the bills are confusing to me.
• I don't feel confident making big financial decisions alone.
• I don't understand financial decisions that someone else is making for me.
• I give loans or gifts more than I can afford.
• My children or others are pressuring me to give them money.
• People are calling me or mailing me asking for money, lotteries.
• Someone is accessing my accounts or money seems to be disappearing.
If there's any cause for concern, the doctor is asked to consider sending the patient to one of four referral services. In fact, the doctor is required in most states to report cases where fraud or exploitation may have occurred to an adult protection service. In other cases, the doctor might send the patient for further medical testing for cognitive, neurological, or other conditions.
But there's no reason to wait on medical professionals to spot cases of elders who are being swindled. For instance, the program gives doctors a list of red flags. There's no reason why you -- either as an older American, an adult child of one, or a financial professional -- can't do the same. Ask yourself: Are you an older adult or do you know one who:
• is socially isolated, depressed or lonely?
• has experienced a change in the ability for self-care?
• depends on someone to provide everyday care?
• is uncomfortable with the person providing care?
• has just lost a loved one, such as a spouse?
• is financially responsible for an adult child or spouse?
• has given power of attorney to someone else to manage his or her finances?
If the answer to any of those questions is yes, then it might be well worth going into high-alert mode. In fact, it might be worth staying in high-alert for the rest of this century. Why? According to Blandin, those elders at greatest risk of being scammed are those with mild cognitive impairment who can perform most daily functions, but have trouble or become confused with others, such as following their medicine regimen or managing their finances. That may be quite a few people.
According to at least one study, more than one-third of the 25 million people over age 71 in the U.S. either have Alzheimer's or mild cognitive impairment. That represents quite a few potential scams.
The local police department can provide information about any scam or fraud that is currently taking place in the area. Please call us at 214-389-9401 if we can be of help to you or your loved one. And come back often to our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com for more news you can use. Thanks for reading today,
Jan
Thursday, June 3, 2010
California Here We Come
So the big day was here, our younger daughter was finishing grad school and receiving her Masters in Public Administration from a school in California. Of course Chris and I weren't about to miss that for the world. So we made all kinds of arrangements for all our clients and left our 2nd in command with numerous instructions and jetted off for San Francisco about 2 weeks ago. We knew that everyone was in good hands and we were only a phone call away should a need arise.
Chris and I had not been away for well over a year and with all the stress of my mother's passing and hard work helping my father move, we were ready for a mini vacation paired with attending a lovely and meaningful commencement. Plus there was the added benefit of seeing our other daughter and our son in law, K&G. Chris' brother, sister-in-law and mother, Jean, also made the long trip. What a fabulous time for all of us to be together. Unfortunately, my dad couldn't make it, but we have lots of pictures for him.
Very early Friday morning Chris and I set off on our adventure, leaving our first lieutenant, MD in charge here in Dallas. San Francisco is so gorgeous and cool. Even though it's not the summer doldrums here yet, it has been plenty hot and dry and we were ready for some cooler temperatures.
Now here's the really wonderful part about the trip....K&G drove down in their new truck and pulled their brand new RV and brought their new doggies. So they picked us up at the airport and we were greeted by Jax and Roxy as well as K&G. How fun was that! We actually stayed with them at a wonderful and comfy RV park south of SF. So the first place we headed after picking up C, our younger daughter, was to the coast. How lovely it was to walk along the boardwalk, watching the boats, listening to the sea lions and feeling the cool breezes on our skin. Some of the "kids" even kayaked around the bay. After a quick bite to eat, we headed to the RV park to get cleaned up and dressed for the first graduation event, an early evening pre-graduation reception/party.
It is a relatively small, private school, so we were able to meet and chat with several of C's professors. Again, with the cooler weather and the Pacific Ocean as a back drop, it was quite lovely. By the time we ate dinner and were back at the campground, it was almost midnight and Chris and I were practically zombies....it was really 2AM our time...so we headed straight to bed.
Saturday morning started with a yummy "camp breakfast" and preparations for the long day ahead. We dropped the pups in the yard at C's house and were off. We were lucky enough to find front row seats, so we were in great shape. Oh and did I mention, the graduation was outside? How magnificent was that! It was a little chilly, but I'll take that over a blazzing 95 degrees any day. How proud we all were to watch C. walk on stage and receive her MPA, having never made a "B" while there...although a few A-'s kept her from a perfect 4.0. Next came the reception complete with champagne, hors d'oeuvres, more professors (bragging about C of course), pictures, tears, congratulations and again the lovely cool outdoor weather.
By 3:30 everybody was heading their separate ways to do errands, relax and prepare for the celebratory dinner together later that evening. Jean wanted to treat us all to dinner and C. chose a wonderful little restaurant in Carmel. The service was beyond spectacular including the owner playing the "Oud", one of the cooks serenading a couple celebrating their anniversary and a server coercing C. and her boyfriend to belly dance with her. The food, champagne/wine and baklava were amazing and they even sent us home with 2 free bottles of wine. Altogether, a glorious day and amazing celebration/dinner.
The next day we did a touristy thing and went to the outlet mall in Gilroy. Oh how wonderful all that garlic smelled. Gilroy's nickname is "Garlic Capital of the World." And of course we had to eat once at the requisite "In N Out" while we were in California, so we accomplished that in Gilroy also. One of my favorite things about that drive was seeing all the glorious crops growing in the fields.....strawberries, artichokes (down by Castroville), lettuce, and some things we could not identify, but that nevertheless were beautiful.
The big event for that evening was the entire family getting together and staying at the RV Park near Santa Cruz. The other folks had rented an airstream for the night. K&G had bought a new smoker and were going to cook up a feast for dinner including brisket, ribs, chicken and sausage. I did help out a little by walking Jax & Roxy and by preparing the salad and corn. A good time was had by all even if it was a little nippy sitting outside. We had a great campfire and ended the evening by cooking smores...a first for some of the folks.
Monday morning some of the group left to go back home. K, G, Chris and I headed out for more touring. We made it all the way down to Big Sur. What amazing, spectacular sites. I had not been there since I was a child and it was not to be missed. The views of the Pacific were breathtaking. Then we proceeded back up to Carmel. We ate lunch at a dog friendly restaurant that even provided doggie menus for Jax and Roxy. Next came the inevitable walk along the beach which was also a major highlight for Jax and Roxy, not to mention me. I love feeling sand between my toes and "touching" the cold Pacific.
The next stop was Monterey and all of its glorious splendor. Cannery Row, the Aquarium and the Wharf are some of the major spots. We sat outside along the bay and enjoyed a drink and the view. Our last stop of the evening was bittersweet. We had to tell Christine goodbye and that is never easy for me. But I always bounce back pretty quickly. We raised our kids to spread their wings, go where they want and do whatever they want and they have. We are extremely proud of both of them.
We made it an early night. We had to wake up about 3AM Tuesday morning in order to make our 6AM flight. We arrived back at DFW around 2PM. It was a wonderful getaway and such a joy to watch C receive her Masters. The only down side is that she has not acquired a job as of yet. She is heading to New York City today to live with a friend for a few months. Most of the jobs in her field are either in New York or Washington DC and she reasons that it is much easier to find one if you are already living there. Anybody out there who can provide a job for a fabulous candidate (if I do say so myself) as a project manager for an international non-profit organization, please call me.
Thanks for reading. More helpful news and information coming your way next time,
Jan
Chris and I had not been away for well over a year and with all the stress of my mother's passing and hard work helping my father move, we were ready for a mini vacation paired with attending a lovely and meaningful commencement. Plus there was the added benefit of seeing our other daughter and our son in law, K&G. Chris' brother, sister-in-law and mother, Jean, also made the long trip. What a fabulous time for all of us to be together. Unfortunately, my dad couldn't make it, but we have lots of pictures for him.
Very early Friday morning Chris and I set off on our adventure, leaving our first lieutenant, MD in charge here in Dallas. San Francisco is so gorgeous and cool. Even though it's not the summer doldrums here yet, it has been plenty hot and dry and we were ready for some cooler temperatures.
Now here's the really wonderful part about the trip....K&G drove down in their new truck and pulled their brand new RV and brought their new doggies. So they picked us up at the airport and we were greeted by Jax and Roxy as well as K&G. How fun was that! We actually stayed with them at a wonderful and comfy RV park south of SF. So the first place we headed after picking up C, our younger daughter, was to the coast. How lovely it was to walk along the boardwalk, watching the boats, listening to the sea lions and feeling the cool breezes on our skin. Some of the "kids" even kayaked around the bay. After a quick bite to eat, we headed to the RV park to get cleaned up and dressed for the first graduation event, an early evening pre-graduation reception/party.
It is a relatively small, private school, so we were able to meet and chat with several of C's professors. Again, with the cooler weather and the Pacific Ocean as a back drop, it was quite lovely. By the time we ate dinner and were back at the campground, it was almost midnight and Chris and I were practically zombies....it was really 2AM our time...so we headed straight to bed.
Saturday morning started with a yummy "camp breakfast" and preparations for the long day ahead. We dropped the pups in the yard at C's house and were off. We were lucky enough to find front row seats, so we were in great shape. Oh and did I mention, the graduation was outside? How magnificent was that! It was a little chilly, but I'll take that over a blazzing 95 degrees any day. How proud we all were to watch C. walk on stage and receive her MPA, having never made a "B" while there...although a few A-'s kept her from a perfect 4.0. Next came the reception complete with champagne, hors d'oeuvres, more professors (bragging about C of course), pictures, tears, congratulations and again the lovely cool outdoor weather.
By 3:30 everybody was heading their separate ways to do errands, relax and prepare for the celebratory dinner together later that evening. Jean wanted to treat us all to dinner and C. chose a wonderful little restaurant in Carmel. The service was beyond spectacular including the owner playing the "Oud", one of the cooks serenading a couple celebrating their anniversary and a server coercing C. and her boyfriend to belly dance with her. The food, champagne/wine and baklava were amazing and they even sent us home with 2 free bottles of wine. Altogether, a glorious day and amazing celebration/dinner.
The next day we did a touristy thing and went to the outlet mall in Gilroy. Oh how wonderful all that garlic smelled. Gilroy's nickname is "Garlic Capital of the World." And of course we had to eat once at the requisite "In N Out" while we were in California, so we accomplished that in Gilroy also. One of my favorite things about that drive was seeing all the glorious crops growing in the fields.....strawberries, artichokes (down by Castroville), lettuce, and some things we could not identify, but that nevertheless were beautiful.
The big event for that evening was the entire family getting together and staying at the RV Park near Santa Cruz. The other folks had rented an airstream for the night. K&G had bought a new smoker and were going to cook up a feast for dinner including brisket, ribs, chicken and sausage. I did help out a little by walking Jax & Roxy and by preparing the salad and corn. A good time was had by all even if it was a little nippy sitting outside. We had a great campfire and ended the evening by cooking smores...a first for some of the folks.
Monday morning some of the group left to go back home. K, G, Chris and I headed out for more touring. We made it all the way down to Big Sur. What amazing, spectacular sites. I had not been there since I was a child and it was not to be missed. The views of the Pacific were breathtaking. Then we proceeded back up to Carmel. We ate lunch at a dog friendly restaurant that even provided doggie menus for Jax and Roxy. Next came the inevitable walk along the beach which was also a major highlight for Jax and Roxy, not to mention me. I love feeling sand between my toes and "touching" the cold Pacific.
The next stop was Monterey and all of its glorious splendor. Cannery Row, the Aquarium and the Wharf are some of the major spots. We sat outside along the bay and enjoyed a drink and the view. Our last stop of the evening was bittersweet. We had to tell Christine goodbye and that is never easy for me. But I always bounce back pretty quickly. We raised our kids to spread their wings, go where they want and do whatever they want and they have. We are extremely proud of both of them.
We made it an early night. We had to wake up about 3AM Tuesday morning in order to make our 6AM flight. We arrived back at DFW around 2PM. It was a wonderful getaway and such a joy to watch C receive her Masters. The only down side is that she has not acquired a job as of yet. She is heading to New York City today to live with a friend for a few months. Most of the jobs in her field are either in New York or Washington DC and she reasons that it is much easier to find one if you are already living there. Anybody out there who can provide a job for a fabulous candidate (if I do say so myself) as a project manager for an international non-profit organization, please call me.
Thanks for reading. More helpful news and information coming your way next time,
Jan
Monday, May 17, 2010
Resources for Caregivers - Alzheimer's
In my never ending effort to provide noteworty information for families and caregivers, I found this recent article in The New York Times. It provides resources on new advancements in technology to help caregivers keep their wandering loved ones at home. With the incidence of Alzheimer's growing at such a rapid pace, these devices or techniques may become extremely commonplace.
Resources and Technology to Help Caregivers Cope
By KIRK JOHNSON
Published: May 4, 2010
One Alzheimer’s wanderer in Arizona had lost much of his memory, but not, apparently, his interest in fashion: he never left the house without a beloved baseball cap on his head. So a trick the family used to keep the man around was to hide his caps.
Search-and-rescue experts who deal with dementia patients also recommend alarms on doors that sound when opened if a proper code is not entered, along with posters or wallpaper images that disguise or conceal doors. Sometimes a simple large, emphatic sign on every door saying “Stop!” will deter a wanderer.
Companies that make GPS devices are also starting to enter the growing Alzheimer’s market with products that look like wristwatches, and even shoes with GPS monitors embedded in the heels.
One company’s offering is at questguard.com/GPS-for-Alzheimers-Wandering_.html
A second is at brickhousesecurity.com/medicalalertbracelet-alzheimersdementiacare.html.
And a third is gpsshoe.com.
Lower on the technology scale, but widespread in its use around the nation, is radio frequency tracking. A nonprofit organization, Project Lifesaver, equips Alzheimer’s sufferers with wristbands. The group contracts with local government agencies to set up the service. To see if your community participates, contact the local sheriff, or the police or fire department.
Finally, the Alzheimer’s Association, a nonprofit group for victims and their families, has established a 24-hour emergency response line in conjunction with local law enforcement, along with an ID bracelet program that identifies the Alzheimer’s patient — something he or she may no longer be able to do.
KIRK JOHNSON
I hope that you find this information useful. Many of our caregivers have years of experience in caring for people with advanced dementia. We also provide training for all caregivers on assisting patients with Alzheimer's and memory loss. Please call our office at 214-389-9401 to ask for help caring for a loved one and visit our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com to learn more.
Thanks for reading. See you next week,
Jan
Resources and Technology to Help Caregivers Cope
By KIRK JOHNSON
Published: May 4, 2010
One Alzheimer’s wanderer in Arizona had lost much of his memory, but not, apparently, his interest in fashion: he never left the house without a beloved baseball cap on his head. So a trick the family used to keep the man around was to hide his caps.
Search-and-rescue experts who deal with dementia patients also recommend alarms on doors that sound when opened if a proper code is not entered, along with posters or wallpaper images that disguise or conceal doors. Sometimes a simple large, emphatic sign on every door saying “Stop!” will deter a wanderer.
Companies that make GPS devices are also starting to enter the growing Alzheimer’s market with products that look like wristwatches, and even shoes with GPS monitors embedded in the heels.
One company’s offering is at questguard.com/GPS-for-Alzheimers-Wandering_.html
A second is at brickhousesecurity.com/medicalalertbracelet-alzheimersdementiacare.html.
And a third is gpsshoe.com.
Lower on the technology scale, but widespread in its use around the nation, is radio frequency tracking. A nonprofit organization, Project Lifesaver, equips Alzheimer’s sufferers with wristbands. The group contracts with local government agencies to set up the service. To see if your community participates, contact the local sheriff, or the police or fire department.
Finally, the Alzheimer’s Association, a nonprofit group for victims and their families, has established a 24-hour emergency response line in conjunction with local law enforcement, along with an ID bracelet program that identifies the Alzheimer’s patient — something he or she may no longer be able to do.
KIRK JOHNSON
I hope that you find this information useful. Many of our caregivers have years of experience in caring for people with advanced dementia. We also provide training for all caregivers on assisting patients with Alzheimer's and memory loss. Please call our office at 214-389-9401 to ask for help caring for a loved one and visit our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com to learn more.
Thanks for reading. See you next week,
Jan
Friday, May 7, 2010
VA Benefit - Aid & Attendance
I want to tell you about a meeting we had last week. Chris had met a young man at a DAGS meeting whose father was opening a branch of his legal office in Dallas. They chatted a bit and then arranged a time for him to come visit at our office. So last Tuesday three memebers of the Ocker family came and told us about this wonderful benefit for veterans and their families.
A little known VA benefit called Aid and Attendance can be used to help pay for home care. We were aware of the benefit but had not realized just how much money was available. Currently only about 2% of the funds available for this purpose is being used. Our veterans deserve this money and we want to help make that happen.
Douglas Ocker, the patriarch of the family, is an attorney specializing in Elder Law, Probate and VA Benefits. His home office is in Corpus Christi, but his passion for helping veterans has led him and his family to expand. His son, Chris, is the Senior Veteran Advisor and his daughter, Dorotha, is the attorney heading up this new Dallas office.
As stated on the VA website:
The Aid and Attendance (A&A) Pension provides benefits for veterans and surviving spouses who require the regular attendance of another person to assist in eating, bathing, dressing and undressing or taking care of the needs of nature. It also includes individuals who are blind or a patient in a nursing home because of mental or physical incapacity. Assisted care in an assisting living facility also qualifies.
To qualify for A&A it needs to be established by your physician that you require daily assistance by others to dress, undress, bathing, cooking, eating, taking on or off of prosthetics, leave home etc. You DO NOT have to require assistance with all of these. There simply needs to be adequate medical evidence that you cannot function completely on your own.
The A&A Pension can provide up to $1,632 per month to a veteran, $1,055 per month to a surviving spouse, or $1,949 per month to a couple.
Eligibility must be proven by filing the proper Veterans Application for Pension or Compensation. This is where the Ocker law firm comes in. They can help you:
.determine eligibility
.apply for aid & attendance
.structure assets to qualify
.prepare application
.answer VA correspondence
.coordinate with assisted living
.coordinate with future medicaid
If someone in your family is a veteran or their spouse and needs help with activities of daily living please let us provide assistance. We can arrange a meeting to help determine eligibility to receive this life-long benefit. Call 214-389-9401 today for more information about this wonderful benefit and the in-home care we can provide to you or your loved one. Be sure to visit our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com for all of the ways in which we can help keep you comfortable, safe and happy at home.
Thanks for visiting. See you soon,
Jan
A little known VA benefit called Aid and Attendance can be used to help pay for home care. We were aware of the benefit but had not realized just how much money was available. Currently only about 2% of the funds available for this purpose is being used. Our veterans deserve this money and we want to help make that happen.
Douglas Ocker, the patriarch of the family, is an attorney specializing in Elder Law, Probate and VA Benefits. His home office is in Corpus Christi, but his passion for helping veterans has led him and his family to expand. His son, Chris, is the Senior Veteran Advisor and his daughter, Dorotha, is the attorney heading up this new Dallas office.
As stated on the VA website:
The Aid and Attendance (A&A) Pension provides benefits for veterans and surviving spouses who require the regular attendance of another person to assist in eating, bathing, dressing and undressing or taking care of the needs of nature. It also includes individuals who are blind or a patient in a nursing home because of mental or physical incapacity. Assisted care in an assisting living facility also qualifies.
To qualify for A&A it needs to be established by your physician that you require daily assistance by others to dress, undress, bathing, cooking, eating, taking on or off of prosthetics, leave home etc. You DO NOT have to require assistance with all of these. There simply needs to be adequate medical evidence that you cannot function completely on your own.
The A&A Pension can provide up to $1,632 per month to a veteran, $1,055 per month to a surviving spouse, or $1,949 per month to a couple.
Eligibility must be proven by filing the proper Veterans Application for Pension or Compensation. This is where the Ocker law firm comes in. They can help you:
.determine eligibility
.apply for aid & attendance
.structure assets to qualify
.prepare application
.answer VA correspondence
.coordinate with assisted living
.coordinate with future medicaid
If someone in your family is a veteran or their spouse and needs help with activities of daily living please let us provide assistance. We can arrange a meeting to help determine eligibility to receive this life-long benefit. Call 214-389-9401 today for more information about this wonderful benefit and the in-home care we can provide to you or your loved one. Be sure to visit our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com for all of the ways in which we can help keep you comfortable, safe and happy at home.
Thanks for visiting. See you soon,
Jan
Friday, April 30, 2010
The "Ups and Downs" of Canes and Walkers
I recently came across an article at myoptumhealth.com and thought it would be very beneficial for all to read. I don't know about you, but I always presumed that using a walker or cane would provide appropriate support and assistance for those needing a little help. Guess I was wrong. Keep reading to find out more.
Using Canes and Walkers Safely
Walking aids enable many older adults to remain active and independent. But use them right to be safe.
By Eve Glicksman, Staff Writer, myOptumHealth
If you have trouble walking, your ability to live on your own takes a big hit. Some people find that using a cane or walker can make all the difference.
But a six-year government study now warns that using walking aids the wrong way can cause falls in older adults. In fact, more than 47,000 seniors ended up in emergency rooms in 2006 due to falls that involved walkers or canes. One in three required hospital stays, mostly for fractures. With an average of 129 cane- or walker-related injuries a day, authors of the study call it an underrecognized health problem.
But how can assistive devices designed to help people sometimes cause injuries? Doctors often recommend walking aids to help elderly patients avoid falls. But more direction may be needed.
A walking aid needs to be tailored to the body and needs of the person using it. Yet, some people simply borrow a cane or walker from a relative or friend. Accidents can occur if the cane or walker is not the right length or type, or if the person is never shown how to use the aid safely.
Who should use a walking aid?
Canes and walkers can be invaluable. Shopping, for instance, may require long periods of standing and walking. If you have certain conditions, this can be impossible without an aid to lean on.
Walking aids enable many older adults to keep active and independent. They can reduce pain while walking or compensate for balance problems. Canes or walkers may be helpful for people with:
•Arthritis, especially in the knees or hips
•Instability from neuropathy or Parkinson's disease
•Balance and gait disorders
•Foot or leg injuries
•Generalized weakness of hips or legs
•Limited endurance from heart or lung problems
In many cases, canes and walkers are reimbursable through Medicare and other insurers.
Considerations
Talk with your doctor or a physical therapist about what type of walking aid would be best for you. Keep these pointers in mind:
For a cane, you'll need to decide whether you want a single rubber tip on the bottom or four prongs. This will depend on how much weight you will be applying to it.
For a proper fit, bend your elbow at a 20-degree to 30-degree angle. Have someone measure the length between your wrist and the floor. With your arm at your side, the cane's top should be parallel to your wrist.
Walkers are best for people who need more stability than a cane provides. Walkers also let you shift more weight to your arms. You'll need a heavy-duty one if you're overweight.
Wheels are an option if a walker is too heavy for you to lift. You can get one with two or four wheels depending on your needs.
Make sure the grip is comfortable when you pick out a cane or walker.
Get instructions
If you don't use your walking aid correctly, you may trip when you try to bend, reach or carry an object. Or the cane or walker may interfere with your balance.
Ask your doctor or physical therapist for a lesson on how to use your walking aid safely. Some general tips:
•Hold your cane on the opposite side of your injury or weakness. Put your weight on your good leg.
•When using a walker, lean slightly forward and hold the walker for support. Your arms should be slightly bent.
•Place your cane or walker firmly on the ground before each step. Don't put it too far ahead of you.
•Check the nonskid rubber tips on your cane or walker often. Buy a replacement at a drugstore or medical supply store if the tip looks worn or uneven.
I hope this has been informative. I will keep searching and then bringing you newsworthy articles as well as keep you informed about personal events. Next up.....our recent meeting with attorneys who help veterans receive their earned, but often left untouched benefits. Until then,
Jan
Using Canes and Walkers Safely
Walking aids enable many older adults to remain active and independent. But use them right to be safe.
By Eve Glicksman, Staff Writer, myOptumHealth
If you have trouble walking, your ability to live on your own takes a big hit. Some people find that using a cane or walker can make all the difference.
But a six-year government study now warns that using walking aids the wrong way can cause falls in older adults. In fact, more than 47,000 seniors ended up in emergency rooms in 2006 due to falls that involved walkers or canes. One in three required hospital stays, mostly for fractures. With an average of 129 cane- or walker-related injuries a day, authors of the study call it an underrecognized health problem.
But how can assistive devices designed to help people sometimes cause injuries? Doctors often recommend walking aids to help elderly patients avoid falls. But more direction may be needed.
A walking aid needs to be tailored to the body and needs of the person using it. Yet, some people simply borrow a cane or walker from a relative or friend. Accidents can occur if the cane or walker is not the right length or type, or if the person is never shown how to use the aid safely.
Who should use a walking aid?
Canes and walkers can be invaluable. Shopping, for instance, may require long periods of standing and walking. If you have certain conditions, this can be impossible without an aid to lean on.
Walking aids enable many older adults to keep active and independent. They can reduce pain while walking or compensate for balance problems. Canes or walkers may be helpful for people with:
•Arthritis, especially in the knees or hips
•Instability from neuropathy or Parkinson's disease
•Balance and gait disorders
•Foot or leg injuries
•Generalized weakness of hips or legs
•Limited endurance from heart or lung problems
In many cases, canes and walkers are reimbursable through Medicare and other insurers.
Considerations
Talk with your doctor or a physical therapist about what type of walking aid would be best for you. Keep these pointers in mind:
For a cane, you'll need to decide whether you want a single rubber tip on the bottom or four prongs. This will depend on how much weight you will be applying to it.
For a proper fit, bend your elbow at a 20-degree to 30-degree angle. Have someone measure the length between your wrist and the floor. With your arm at your side, the cane's top should be parallel to your wrist.
Walkers are best for people who need more stability than a cane provides. Walkers also let you shift more weight to your arms. You'll need a heavy-duty one if you're overweight.
Wheels are an option if a walker is too heavy for you to lift. You can get one with two or four wheels depending on your needs.
Make sure the grip is comfortable when you pick out a cane or walker.
Get instructions
If you don't use your walking aid correctly, you may trip when you try to bend, reach or carry an object. Or the cane or walker may interfere with your balance.
Ask your doctor or physical therapist for a lesson on how to use your walking aid safely. Some general tips:
•Hold your cane on the opposite side of your injury or weakness. Put your weight on your good leg.
•When using a walker, lean slightly forward and hold the walker for support. Your arms should be slightly bent.
•Place your cane or walker firmly on the ground before each step. Don't put it too far ahead of you.
•Check the nonskid rubber tips on your cane or walker often. Buy a replacement at a drugstore or medical supply store if the tip looks worn or uneven.
I hope this has been informative. I will keep searching and then bringing you newsworthy articles as well as keep you informed about personal events. Next up.....our recent meeting with attorneys who help veterans receive their earned, but often left untouched benefits. Until then,
Jan
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Fourteen Hours of People Watching.
Have you ever thought about treating your allergies with a trip to the chiropractor? That was just one of the many sound bites I heard this past weekend. But let me start back at the beginning. A friend of ours, who is the community educator and volunteer liasion for a hospice company, invited us to share a table with her at the Wellness Expo in Addison this past weekend. Chris and I are always up for a new adventure and experience, so we said sure.
It was a cloudy, rainy, cool weekend so we wouldn't be able to work in the yard. And wouldn't you rather attend a lecture entitled "Attached Entities: The Bad Kids of the Ghost World" than to be stuck inside cleaning your house all weekend? Of course you would.
As we have never attended such an event, we knew it would be interesting and eye opening. Our friend, Johnnie, had warned us it would be a little different from the usual health fair, trade show, community event we attend. Chris and I love to be involved; to go out there and attend local events, get to meet people and tell them a little about us and why we started this company.
We arrived about an hour early on Saturday morning to set up. How long does it really take to set out some brochures, cards, pens, pads and to hang a sign? But we wanted to be prepared and ready to hit the ground running. Now some others really came prepared.....elaborate computer set ups, special colored lights dangling from the ceiling, massage tables, etc.
The crowds started pouring in just as the doors opened and we began welcoming people to our table. We had a front row table, a great location to meet and greet. On the other hand, most people who go to a wellness expo are not that interested in talking to a representative from a hospice company. And since we were sharing a table with Johnnie, we were associated with her. But it's all part of the life cycle and was a wonderful opportunity to educate people about its fabulous benefits.
We tried "healthy coffee", listened to "Celestial Vibrations through Music", met the executive director of the DFW Metaphysical Chamber of Commerce, a cosmic counselor, a psychic medium, a purveyor of energetically enhanced jewelry, and a specialist in kinetic chromotherapy. We also met people who were interested in finding out more about home care and how it would help their parents live more comfortably, while staying in their own homes as long as possible.
All in all it was a very enjoyable, but long weekend. We were there for about 8 hours on Saturday probably seeing about 500 people. While Sunday was a rainy, ugly day that didn't stop the crowds. Attendance swelled to over 600 people. I hope to go back again in October to the fall expo. In the meantime, if you are seeking home care for a loved one in the Dallas area please call us today at 214-389-9401. Also please take a look at our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com to see the specialized care we offer. I am confident we can make a difference in the life of someone you love.
See you next time,
Jan
It was a cloudy, rainy, cool weekend so we wouldn't be able to work in the yard. And wouldn't you rather attend a lecture entitled "Attached Entities: The Bad Kids of the Ghost World" than to be stuck inside cleaning your house all weekend? Of course you would.
As we have never attended such an event, we knew it would be interesting and eye opening. Our friend, Johnnie, had warned us it would be a little different from the usual health fair, trade show, community event we attend. Chris and I love to be involved; to go out there and attend local events, get to meet people and tell them a little about us and why we started this company.
We arrived about an hour early on Saturday morning to set up. How long does it really take to set out some brochures, cards, pens, pads and to hang a sign? But we wanted to be prepared and ready to hit the ground running. Now some others really came prepared.....elaborate computer set ups, special colored lights dangling from the ceiling, massage tables, etc.
The crowds started pouring in just as the doors opened and we began welcoming people to our table. We had a front row table, a great location to meet and greet. On the other hand, most people who go to a wellness expo are not that interested in talking to a representative from a hospice company. And since we were sharing a table with Johnnie, we were associated with her. But it's all part of the life cycle and was a wonderful opportunity to educate people about its fabulous benefits.
We tried "healthy coffee", listened to "Celestial Vibrations through Music", met the executive director of the DFW Metaphysical Chamber of Commerce, a cosmic counselor, a psychic medium, a purveyor of energetically enhanced jewelry, and a specialist in kinetic chromotherapy. We also met people who were interested in finding out more about home care and how it would help their parents live more comfortably, while staying in their own homes as long as possible.
All in all it was a very enjoyable, but long weekend. We were there for about 8 hours on Saturday probably seeing about 500 people. While Sunday was a rainy, ugly day that didn't stop the crowds. Attendance swelled to over 600 people. I hope to go back again in October to the fall expo. In the meantime, if you are seeking home care for a loved one in the Dallas area please call us today at 214-389-9401. Also please take a look at our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com to see the specialized care we offer. I am confident we can make a difference in the life of someone you love.
See you next time,
Jan
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Benefits for Seniors
I recently found this article in The New York Times and wanted to pass it on as quickly as possible. I hope it provides some assistance in navigating through the often muddy waters when it comes to health care and seniors. This is an AP article published April 2.
A clear goal of the new health care reform law: increased access to home-based care.
Last month's health care law contained some benefits for the nation's older population. It provided long-term care options to allow more seniors to stay in their current homes rather than seek institutionalized care, and called for more publicly available information about nursing homes.
Most seniors prefer to stay where they are than move into assisted living or a nursing home. AARP surveys show that roughly nine out of 10 senior adults prefer to ''age in place.'' But, in many cases, health issues force a senior to seek out a facility where they receive individualized, round-the-clock care.
Parts of the new law help seniors and their families navigate such difficult situations.
The most high-profile provision related to long-term care in the new law is the Community Living Assistance Services and Supports act, or CLASS. It will allow adults with mobility problems to receive home care through a voluntary insurance plan. A handful of other programs will improve access to home and community-based services to complement CLASS, including one that provides matching federal dollars to states that expand their home care services.
And, the legislation requires that nursing homes report important information like staffing data, so families can make informed decisions about where to place their loved ones.
''The key thing to realize is the health care reform bill actually has probably a couple of dozen opportunities, all told, to think differently about aging successfully,'' said Dr. Bruce Chernof, president of The SCAN Foundation, a nonprofit proponent of long-term care for seniors funded by SCAN Health Plan, a Medicare Advantage plan.
The number of Americans over 65 will mushroom in the coming decade, as roughly 75 million Baby Boomers reach retirement age. Their long-term health care needs will strain the nation's collective wallet, stretching thin programs like Medicaid and Medicare.
AARP reports that it costs as much in Medicaid dollars to care for one person in a nursing home than it costs to care for three older adults and people with disabilities in home and community-based settings.
Meanwhile, more than 10 million Americans are currently in need of long-term services that help them function in their daily life, and that number is expected to rise to nearly 15 million by 2020, according to the National Council on Aging.
Enter the CLASS voluntary insurance program.
Under CLASS, working adults who need daily assistance would have at least $50 per day to pay for home care -- more if the adult has a higher level of impairment. After five years of paying into the program, recipients could use the money to pay for a home health-care aide.
CLASS funds also can be used to pay for adult day care, transportation, and safety features like grab bars and handrails. They also can be used to help pay for assisted-living facilities and nursing homes.
Seniors who enroll in CLASS will have a better chance to remain independent and active in their communities. That provision also helps their caregivers, who in many cases are adult children who may feel they are spending too much time and money looking after their parents.
CLASS includes protections ensuring the program will be solvent for 75 years, and could result in Medicaid savings in the long haul.
Another benefit to seniors is a collection of programs that improve access to Medicaid's home- and community-based services but which aren't a voluntary insurance plan like CLASS.
For example, the Community First Choice program creates a state-based plan to keep people with disabilities who require an institutional level of care out of nursing homes by providing them with home-based attendant services. States will receive federal matching funds if they adopt this program.
Another program increases funding for Aging and Disability Resource Centers, which offer information and counseling about the various long-term health-care options available to seniors. And, another provision protects spouses from being forced to spend all the couple's assets to get access to home- and community-based care, similar to benefits already in place for nursing home residents covered under Medicaid.
These programs are meant to keep the senior at home. For those who have no alternative but to move into a nursing home, there's something for them, too.
Nursing homes will be required to submit ownership information, staffing data and other items to increase transparency and accountability. People will be able to search the Nursing Home Compare Web site (found at www.medicare.gov) and find information on quality of care, consumer rights, staffing and other issues to help them choose a nursing home.
The Obama administration's reform effort is not the definitive answer to seniors' health care needs. Just call it an important first step in providing long-term, home-based health care for America's older adults.
Should you or a loved one need a helping hand right now, please call us to help provide care with a family touch, giving you peace of mind. Our number is 214-389-9401 or visit our website @ www.hereforyouhomecare.com.
I hope you found this helpful. I'll be back soon,
Jan
A clear goal of the new health care reform law: increased access to home-based care.
Last month's health care law contained some benefits for the nation's older population. It provided long-term care options to allow more seniors to stay in their current homes rather than seek institutionalized care, and called for more publicly available information about nursing homes.
Most seniors prefer to stay where they are than move into assisted living or a nursing home. AARP surveys show that roughly nine out of 10 senior adults prefer to ''age in place.'' But, in many cases, health issues force a senior to seek out a facility where they receive individualized, round-the-clock care.
Parts of the new law help seniors and their families navigate such difficult situations.
The most high-profile provision related to long-term care in the new law is the Community Living Assistance Services and Supports act, or CLASS. It will allow adults with mobility problems to receive home care through a voluntary insurance plan. A handful of other programs will improve access to home and community-based services to complement CLASS, including one that provides matching federal dollars to states that expand their home care services.
And, the legislation requires that nursing homes report important information like staffing data, so families can make informed decisions about where to place their loved ones.
''The key thing to realize is the health care reform bill actually has probably a couple of dozen opportunities, all told, to think differently about aging successfully,'' said Dr. Bruce Chernof, president of The SCAN Foundation, a nonprofit proponent of long-term care for seniors funded by SCAN Health Plan, a Medicare Advantage plan.
The number of Americans over 65 will mushroom in the coming decade, as roughly 75 million Baby Boomers reach retirement age. Their long-term health care needs will strain the nation's collective wallet, stretching thin programs like Medicaid and Medicare.
AARP reports that it costs as much in Medicaid dollars to care for one person in a nursing home than it costs to care for three older adults and people with disabilities in home and community-based settings.
Meanwhile, more than 10 million Americans are currently in need of long-term services that help them function in their daily life, and that number is expected to rise to nearly 15 million by 2020, according to the National Council on Aging.
Enter the CLASS voluntary insurance program.
Under CLASS, working adults who need daily assistance would have at least $50 per day to pay for home care -- more if the adult has a higher level of impairment. After five years of paying into the program, recipients could use the money to pay for a home health-care aide.
CLASS funds also can be used to pay for adult day care, transportation, and safety features like grab bars and handrails. They also can be used to help pay for assisted-living facilities and nursing homes.
Seniors who enroll in CLASS will have a better chance to remain independent and active in their communities. That provision also helps their caregivers, who in many cases are adult children who may feel they are spending too much time and money looking after their parents.
CLASS includes protections ensuring the program will be solvent for 75 years, and could result in Medicaid savings in the long haul.
Another benefit to seniors is a collection of programs that improve access to Medicaid's home- and community-based services but which aren't a voluntary insurance plan like CLASS.
For example, the Community First Choice program creates a state-based plan to keep people with disabilities who require an institutional level of care out of nursing homes by providing them with home-based attendant services. States will receive federal matching funds if they adopt this program.
Another program increases funding for Aging and Disability Resource Centers, which offer information and counseling about the various long-term health-care options available to seniors. And, another provision protects spouses from being forced to spend all the couple's assets to get access to home- and community-based care, similar to benefits already in place for nursing home residents covered under Medicaid.
These programs are meant to keep the senior at home. For those who have no alternative but to move into a nursing home, there's something for them, too.
Nursing homes will be required to submit ownership information, staffing data and other items to increase transparency and accountability. People will be able to search the Nursing Home Compare Web site (found at www.medicare.gov) and find information on quality of care, consumer rights, staffing and other issues to help them choose a nursing home.
The Obama administration's reform effort is not the definitive answer to seniors' health care needs. Just call it an important first step in providing long-term, home-based health care for America's older adults.
Should you or a loved one need a helping hand right now, please call us to help provide care with a family touch, giving you peace of mind. Our number is 214-389-9401 or visit our website @ www.hereforyouhomecare.com.
I hope you found this helpful. I'll be back soon,
Jan
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Out of Africa
I think it's about time to introduce you to my mother-in-law.....we'll call her Jean for privacy purposes. She lives in Albuquerque and is quite independent and active for an 85 year old woman. To tell you the truth....she's in great shape for a woman many years her junior. I hope to be doing so well when I am in my 80's.
Jean has lead quite the interesting life. She was born in a relatively small town in Texas. But she married a career air force officer and has traveled the world during and after his service. They lived in 8 different states in this country as well as in France, Japan and Taiwan. In fact Chris was born in Japan and graduated from high school in Taiwan. They eventually retired in New Mexico because the weather and flying opportunities were so wonderful there.
I won't tell you right here and now about all the fabulous places Jean has been, but I will tell you about a few. Among the more memorable trips in recent years was one to the Galapagos Islands. Now mind you this involved getting off and on a small boat to visit the islands and even sleeping on that boat. As I recall, there was eating of some pretty exotic food also. Another adventurous trip included Southeast Asia and sleeping on a water barge during some rather extreme weather conditions. My personal opinion...Jean is one tough cookie and loves to travel and continuously learn new things.
Her most recent trip was to Morocco, another relatively exotic locale. She stopped in Dallas to visit on her way going and coming back. So we were able to hear about her plans before the trip and then about the adventures she had actually experienced upon her return. There were many bazaars, the typical Moroccan architecture, multiple medinas and of course the colorful pots, scarves and rugs. Take a look at http://www.travelblog.org/Africa/Morocco/Marrakech-Tensift-El-Haouz/Marrakech/photos-page-1.html for some truly amazing pictures of the country that I found on the web. Her favorite city was Marrakech and she rode the proverbial camel through a horrific dust storm to watch the sunset. All in all it was a lovely tour involving travel on a bus with about 30 people from multiple countries (all of whom spoke English) and their tour guide.
Chalk that up as another country Jean can cross off her list. What's next....a question she was asked quite often by a fellow traveler? Who knows what adventure awaits the fearless Jean. We should all be as lucky as Jean.....to enjoy good health and exotic travel into our 80's. I know all of you are very healthy and energetic, but if you know of someone who needs a helping hand, then please have them call our office for a free consultation.
Take a look at our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com and see how we can help. Call 214-389-9401 today for help with personal care, homemaking, companionship or respite care. Thanks for listening and I'll be back soon. Please make a comment if there is something else you would like to know or if you have a similar story to tell. Until next time,
Jan
Jean has lead quite the interesting life. She was born in a relatively small town in Texas. But she married a career air force officer and has traveled the world during and after his service. They lived in 8 different states in this country as well as in France, Japan and Taiwan. In fact Chris was born in Japan and graduated from high school in Taiwan. They eventually retired in New Mexico because the weather and flying opportunities were so wonderful there.
I won't tell you right here and now about all the fabulous places Jean has been, but I will tell you about a few. Among the more memorable trips in recent years was one to the Galapagos Islands. Now mind you this involved getting off and on a small boat to visit the islands and even sleeping on that boat. As I recall, there was eating of some pretty exotic food also. Another adventurous trip included Southeast Asia and sleeping on a water barge during some rather extreme weather conditions. My personal opinion...Jean is one tough cookie and loves to travel and continuously learn new things.
Her most recent trip was to Morocco, another relatively exotic locale. She stopped in Dallas to visit on her way going and coming back. So we were able to hear about her plans before the trip and then about the adventures she had actually experienced upon her return. There were many bazaars, the typical Moroccan architecture, multiple medinas and of course the colorful pots, scarves and rugs. Take a look at http://www.travelblog.org/Africa/Morocco/Marrakech-Tensift-El-Haouz/Marrakech/photos-page-1.html for some truly amazing pictures of the country that I found on the web. Her favorite city was Marrakech and she rode the proverbial camel through a horrific dust storm to watch the sunset. All in all it was a lovely tour involving travel on a bus with about 30 people from multiple countries (all of whom spoke English) and their tour guide.
Chalk that up as another country Jean can cross off her list. What's next....a question she was asked quite often by a fellow traveler? Who knows what adventure awaits the fearless Jean. We should all be as lucky as Jean.....to enjoy good health and exotic travel into our 80's. I know all of you are very healthy and energetic, but if you know of someone who needs a helping hand, then please have them call our office for a free consultation.
Take a look at our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com and see how we can help. Call 214-389-9401 today for help with personal care, homemaking, companionship or respite care. Thanks for listening and I'll be back soon. Please make a comment if there is something else you would like to know or if you have a similar story to tell. Until next time,
Jan
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Symptoms of Caregiver Burnout
I decided to branch out a little from my usual personal story telling and provide some important information. I am attending a monthly support group for caregivers. Even though I don't currently assist with my dad's day to day personal care.....thankfully he doesn't presently need that.....I help him daily with something. I help with everything from paying his bills to looking up phone numbers to reminding him to take his medication and to stay hydrated. So I have found it to be extremely eye opening to attend these classes.
While I have learned a lot from the instructor, I have also learned from the other attendees. And just hearing the stories of other caregivers has helped me to appreciate my own situation and family. So many people across the country are struggling with helping their aging parents. I guess one thing that has surprised me the most is how often the children squabble among themselves about how to help their parents and who will do it best.
One handout I recently received was Symptoms of Caregiver Burnout . This list is courtesy of the Area Agency on Aging 2005 Family Caregiver Education. It includes:
1. Disrupted sleep patterns.
2. Altered eating patterns.
3. Increased sugar consumption or use of alcohol or drugs.
4. Increased smoking or strong desire to start again.
5. Frequent headaches or sudden onset of back pain.
6. Increased reliance on over-the-counter pain remedies or prescribed drugs.
7. Irritability.
8. High levels of fear or anxiety.
9. Impatience.
10. The inability to handle one or more problems or crises.
11. Overreacting to commonplace accidents.
12. Overreacting to criticism.
13. Overreacting with anger toward a spouse, child or older care recipient.
14. Alienation.
15. Feeling emotional withdrawal.
16. Feeling trapped.
17. Thinking of disappearing or running away.
18. Not being able to laugh or feel joy.
19. Withdrawing from activities and the lives of others.
20. Feeling hopeless most of the time.
21. Loss of compassion.
22. Resenting the care recipient and/or the situation.
23. Neglecting or mistreating the care recipient.
24. Frequently feeling totally alone even though friends and family are present.
25. Wishing simply to "have the whole thing over with."
26. Playing the "if only" games; saying over and over "If only this would happen: or "If only this hadn't happened."
Wow...26...that's a lot. I think I have felt 1 or more of those even before I was a caregiver. But we do experience so many feelings and emotions when we are providing care for a loved one, even if it is from afar. We must take care of ourselves first in order to be able to care for others. Please look out for yourself. If you need a break or want to get away, then please call us. Let us provide some much needed respite care. Call us at 214-389-9401 and be sure to visit our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com for more information and tips.
I'll be back soon with more personal news. Until next time,
Jan
While I have learned a lot from the instructor, I have also learned from the other attendees. And just hearing the stories of other caregivers has helped me to appreciate my own situation and family. So many people across the country are struggling with helping their aging parents. I guess one thing that has surprised me the most is how often the children squabble among themselves about how to help their parents and who will do it best.
One handout I recently received was Symptoms of Caregiver Burnout . This list is courtesy of the Area Agency on Aging 2005 Family Caregiver Education. It includes:
1. Disrupted sleep patterns.
2. Altered eating patterns.
3. Increased sugar consumption or use of alcohol or drugs.
4. Increased smoking or strong desire to start again.
5. Frequent headaches or sudden onset of back pain.
6. Increased reliance on over-the-counter pain remedies or prescribed drugs.
7. Irritability.
8. High levels of fear or anxiety.
9. Impatience.
10. The inability to handle one or more problems or crises.
11. Overreacting to commonplace accidents.
12. Overreacting to criticism.
13. Overreacting with anger toward a spouse, child or older care recipient.
14. Alienation.
15. Feeling emotional withdrawal.
16. Feeling trapped.
17. Thinking of disappearing or running away.
18. Not being able to laugh or feel joy.
19. Withdrawing from activities and the lives of others.
20. Feeling hopeless most of the time.
21. Loss of compassion.
22. Resenting the care recipient and/or the situation.
23. Neglecting or mistreating the care recipient.
24. Frequently feeling totally alone even though friends and family are present.
25. Wishing simply to "have the whole thing over with."
26. Playing the "if only" games; saying over and over "If only this would happen: or "If only this hadn't happened."
Wow...26...that's a lot. I think I have felt 1 or more of those even before I was a caregiver. But we do experience so many feelings and emotions when we are providing care for a loved one, even if it is from afar. We must take care of ourselves first in order to be able to care for others. Please look out for yourself. If you need a break or want to get away, then please call us. Let us provide some much needed respite care. Call us at 214-389-9401 and be sure to visit our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com for more information and tips.
I'll be back soon with more personal news. Until next time,
Jan
Monday, March 8, 2010
Time to say "goodbye."
With my dad safely back at home in Houston, we spent our week working and closing out the end of the year. We had a nice time with our daughter as she finished her vacation with us and prepared to leave for South America. December 31st arrived and we were off to Houston for some final activities.
Early Thursday morning the 3 of us headed out. Our first stop was my old house, the setting for our previous adventure "Operation Clean Sweep." It looked unbelieveably good. It's amazing what a fresh coat of paint, clean floors and removal of years' worth of trash....I mean treasure can do for an old house. The men were still working and updates would be needed, but for the first time I could actually see the house becoming a new dream home for another family.
Next stop a quick lunch at Los Tios. Nobody does Tex-Mex or makes chile con queso "puffs" like they do. Then it was on to see Dad and his new digs. Of course Chris and I had been there before, but our daughter "C" had not. And obviously since we were in Houston, we wanted to see Dad again. We helped him move some furniture, dropped off a few things, visited and were soon out the door. Again, he was not ready yet to see my mother's grave. It was still too painful and emotionally "raw" for him. So we would be going alone.
We stopped a few places, but could not find appropriate flowers for her grave. We had to visit empty handed. But I was so pleased when we arrived. My mother is buried in a National Cemetery because my father had served in the military. Just like at Arlington National Cemetery, wreaths had been placed at all the graves. It was a beautiful sight.
Thanks to modern technology and the site locator, we quickly found my mother's final resting place. I took some pictures and we paused to pay our respects and to say goodbye. Sadly, there were already 3 or 4 new rows of additonal sites for people who had died and been buried since my mother's passing. So many WWII veterans and their spouses are dying every day. We were very pleased with everything we saw and felt comfortable with this cemetery. We had been there for the service in October, but it was held at a central location. Loved ones cannot visit the grave until after the burial and the marker is placed several weeks later.
On to the airport for another farewell. "C" was leaving for a school trip to Chile for 3 weeks. She would then be going back to grad school in California, so again I had to say goodbye. I can tell you now that she had a fabulous trip, learned a lot and loved the people. I am so thankful she was back before the big earthquake, not that California doesn't have its share of problems. I always cry for about 2 minutes, but then I bounce back and am fine. I am grateful for the time I am able to spend with my children, but am pleased that they spread their wings and are off doing what they love.
Last stop....back to my brother's house to pick up a piece of furniture and the last of the memories from my old home, my parents' house. We had not been able to bring back everything from the house when we had cleaned and emptied it earlier in December. We had stored some things at my brother's. We had a quick visit with them, loaded the car and off we went.
A four hour drive and a quick stop for dinner later, we were back home in Dallas. We even arrived home in time to watch the ball drop and toast in the new year with a glass of champagne. It had been a long and emotional day, but also one filled with satisfaction and accomplishment. I was able to say goodbye to several places and people and to feel contentment with life moving on and the cycle it follows.
Next time I will write about another family member and her incredible journeys at the age of 85. Don't worry...I will keep you posted on my dad and his antics. He attended the Houston Symphony recently and can now cross that off his "Bucket List" so to speak. He had not been there in years.
Thanks again. Until next time,
Jan
Early Thursday morning the 3 of us headed out. Our first stop was my old house, the setting for our previous adventure "Operation Clean Sweep." It looked unbelieveably good. It's amazing what a fresh coat of paint, clean floors and removal of years' worth of trash....I mean treasure can do for an old house. The men were still working and updates would be needed, but for the first time I could actually see the house becoming a new dream home for another family.
Next stop a quick lunch at Los Tios. Nobody does Tex-Mex or makes chile con queso "puffs" like they do. Then it was on to see Dad and his new digs. Of course Chris and I had been there before, but our daughter "C" had not. And obviously since we were in Houston, we wanted to see Dad again. We helped him move some furniture, dropped off a few things, visited and were soon out the door. Again, he was not ready yet to see my mother's grave. It was still too painful and emotionally "raw" for him. So we would be going alone.
We stopped a few places, but could not find appropriate flowers for her grave. We had to visit empty handed. But I was so pleased when we arrived. My mother is buried in a National Cemetery because my father had served in the military. Just like at Arlington National Cemetery, wreaths had been placed at all the graves. It was a beautiful sight.
Thanks to modern technology and the site locator, we quickly found my mother's final resting place. I took some pictures and we paused to pay our respects and to say goodbye. Sadly, there were already 3 or 4 new rows of additonal sites for people who had died and been buried since my mother's passing. So many WWII veterans and their spouses are dying every day. We were very pleased with everything we saw and felt comfortable with this cemetery. We had been there for the service in October, but it was held at a central location. Loved ones cannot visit the grave until after the burial and the marker is placed several weeks later.
On to the airport for another farewell. "C" was leaving for a school trip to Chile for 3 weeks. She would then be going back to grad school in California, so again I had to say goodbye. I can tell you now that she had a fabulous trip, learned a lot and loved the people. I am so thankful she was back before the big earthquake, not that California doesn't have its share of problems. I always cry for about 2 minutes, but then I bounce back and am fine. I am grateful for the time I am able to spend with my children, but am pleased that they spread their wings and are off doing what they love.
Last stop....back to my brother's house to pick up a piece of furniture and the last of the memories from my old home, my parents' house. We had not been able to bring back everything from the house when we had cleaned and emptied it earlier in December. We had stored some things at my brother's. We had a quick visit with them, loaded the car and off we went.
A four hour drive and a quick stop for dinner later, we were back home in Dallas. We even arrived home in time to watch the ball drop and toast in the new year with a glass of champagne. It had been a long and emotional day, but also one filled with satisfaction and accomplishment. I was able to say goodbye to several places and people and to feel contentment with life moving on and the cycle it follows.
Next time I will write about another family member and her incredible journeys at the age of 85. Don't worry...I will keep you posted on my dad and his antics. He attended the Houston Symphony recently and can now cross that off his "Bucket List" so to speak. He had not been there in years.
Thanks again. Until next time,
Jan
Saturday, February 20, 2010
"Wrapping up the Christmas Story"
So I left off last time with my dad greeting me on Christmas morning with, "I'm going home tomorrow." I asked him how he was going to get there. I had not bought him a roundtrip airline ticket. His plans and ours were up in the air, so we decided to play it by ear. I knew for sure that we would be driving back to Houston on December 31st to take our daughter to the airport. She was going on a school trip and flying from there. He announced that he was going home on the bus. He had not liked going through all the security for his flight up here. After running myself ragged making a lovely stay for him, I thought he could at least have said, "Merry Christmas" and then "I'm going home tomorrow." But that's just the way he is. But it did upset me and hurt my feelings....I do tend to take things personally. I was also a little concerned about his safety since he can't see very well.
So we called some other relatives and they all thought it was a great idea. We looked everything up online, bought his ticket and found someone to pick him up at the bus station the next day. It was going to be an interesting experience for him. We enjoyed the rest of the day opening gifts and having dinner with other friends and family. I was, however, a little disappointed that after staying up until 3:30 the night before to finish preparing the new photo album with all the family photos from his house, I was told that he didn't want it now. It just made him too emotional and he was not prepared to deal with that yet. While I was disappointed and tired, I could certainly understand that and am happy to keep it for him until he is ready.
Saturday morning we all headed downtown to take my dad to the bus station. We arrived early and waited in line for him, so he could get a good seat up front. Once we saw him safely onto the bus, stocked with a banana and Gatorade, we headed out. I have to admit that while I enjoyed loving on and taking care of him for 10 days, I was also glad to have a little bit of alone time with our younger daughter. She had not been able to come and be part of "Operation Clean Sweep" earlier in the month, so I had not seen her in quite a while.
Guess what......about 2 hours later Dad called from his cell phone. After departing late because the bus needed repairs, the new, good bus had now broken down. They were stranded about an hour south of Dallas. According to my father, the bus driver had no means of communication. But a 2nd bus came along and picked up his bus driver and drove off. My father had to ask other passengers, because he could not see well enough to know exactly what was happening. They were hoping that their driver could convince the other bus to come back and pick them up.
Meanwhile I began calling the folks in Houston to inform them of the problem and delayed arrival. I was about to head out and go pick my dad up and bring him back to our house. Sure enough he called again and he and his luggage were safely on the new bus headed down to Houston. This was not an express bus and would make multiple stops, but who cared by then. About 6 hours later my father called and was safely home in Houston. I could breathe a sigh of relief.
Since then my dad has asked me to look for discount airfares, so he could fly back up here. I guess one bus ride was enough for him. He has also been back up here for a quick weekend trip. One of his friends had to drive to Dallas on business and my dad tagged along with him to see us. So I guess that first trip here for Christmas was not so bad after all. I know I should not have taken his early departure after Christmas so personally. I have been told that once a senior makes up his mind to leave, there's no stopping him. They plow forward...full steam ahead.
If this sounds vaugely familiar or similar to something you are experiencing with someone you love, please allow us to help. Take a look at our webiste at www.hereforyouhomecare.com or call us at 214-389-9401. We offer personal assistance, companion care, homemaking services and respite care at your convenience.
Thank you for reading/listening. Next time I will write about our trip to Houston where we visited my old home, freshly painted and readied for sale and I saw my mother's grave for the first time.
Until then,
Jan
So we called some other relatives and they all thought it was a great idea. We looked everything up online, bought his ticket and found someone to pick him up at the bus station the next day. It was going to be an interesting experience for him. We enjoyed the rest of the day opening gifts and having dinner with other friends and family. I was, however, a little disappointed that after staying up until 3:30 the night before to finish preparing the new photo album with all the family photos from his house, I was told that he didn't want it now. It just made him too emotional and he was not prepared to deal with that yet. While I was disappointed and tired, I could certainly understand that and am happy to keep it for him until he is ready.
Saturday morning we all headed downtown to take my dad to the bus station. We arrived early and waited in line for him, so he could get a good seat up front. Once we saw him safely onto the bus, stocked with a banana and Gatorade, we headed out. I have to admit that while I enjoyed loving on and taking care of him for 10 days, I was also glad to have a little bit of alone time with our younger daughter. She had not been able to come and be part of "Operation Clean Sweep" earlier in the month, so I had not seen her in quite a while.
Guess what......about 2 hours later Dad called from his cell phone. After departing late because the bus needed repairs, the new, good bus had now broken down. They were stranded about an hour south of Dallas. According to my father, the bus driver had no means of communication. But a 2nd bus came along and picked up his bus driver and drove off. My father had to ask other passengers, because he could not see well enough to know exactly what was happening. They were hoping that their driver could convince the other bus to come back and pick them up.
Meanwhile I began calling the folks in Houston to inform them of the problem and delayed arrival. I was about to head out and go pick my dad up and bring him back to our house. Sure enough he called again and he and his luggage were safely on the new bus headed down to Houston. This was not an express bus and would make multiple stops, but who cared by then. About 6 hours later my father called and was safely home in Houston. I could breathe a sigh of relief.
Since then my dad has asked me to look for discount airfares, so he could fly back up here. I guess one bus ride was enough for him. He has also been back up here for a quick weekend trip. One of his friends had to drive to Dallas on business and my dad tagged along with him to see us. So I guess that first trip here for Christmas was not so bad after all. I know I should not have taken his early departure after Christmas so personally. I have been told that once a senior makes up his mind to leave, there's no stopping him. They plow forward...full steam ahead.
If this sounds vaugely familiar or similar to something you are experiencing with someone you love, please allow us to help. Take a look at our webiste at www.hereforyouhomecare.com or call us at 214-389-9401. We offer personal assistance, companion care, homemaking services and respite care at your convenience.
Thank you for reading/listening. Next time I will write about our trip to Houston where we visited my old home, freshly painted and readied for sale and I saw my mother's grave for the first time.
Until then,
Jan
Monday, February 1, 2010
First Christmas without my mother!
The holidays were rapidly approaching and I did not want my dad to be alone. After all, my mother had just passed away in October and he was still grieving. That was the time he needed to be surrounded by loving and caring family members. I had invited him to come back with us several times from our many recent trips to Houston, but he just was not ready yet. This time I was going to put my foot down and arrange for him to be here at least for Christmas. So when all the major airlines started advertising their "special deals", I quickly snapped up a ticket for him to fly up here on December 16th....the last day of the super cheap fares.
Now keep in mind that I had arranged for that flight back in early November when the sales were happening. In the meantime, we had only arrived back from Houston on December 13th, after our whirlwind cleaning out his house extravaganza. I'm not quite sure what my father's idea of emptying a house was, but apparently it was not the same as ours. We painstakingly went through each item in the house and had to make a decision about its disposition. Should we keep it, donate it, recycle it.....take it to my father, save it for posterity? These were all extremely tough decisions, but ones we were forced to make on the spot and without delay.
My dad was not prepared to do this and did not provide us with much guidance. Besides already moving most of his prized possessions, he only told us of a few additional items he wanted. Obviously we disposed of some things that later on my father thought of and wanted. But we did the best we could under the circumstances. I knew that when he first saw his emptied house, he would be upset. But I was not prepared for his incredibly strong and emotional response. To us an empty house meant just that, an empty house. I guess to him it meant shuffling a few things around. So needless to say he was very angry with me after seeing the house on December 14th, 2 days before his scheduled arrival here in Dallas.
Now I know that people tend to take things out on the ones they love. We know that we can treat them badly and they will still love us...still be there when the dust settles. But after the phenomenal time, energy, sweat and tears we spent cleaning out that house, I began growing weary of being blamed instead of thanked. If professionals had emptied the house it would have cost thousands of dollars and everything would have been thrown away. While we did it for free and I saved boxes and boxes and boxes of treasures that I will eventually have time to go through.
So back to the point....my dad's arrival here on December 16th. He was still angry with me and honestly I had grown angry with him....tempered by my empathy with his emotional struggle and grieving. I was prepared to start fresh and avoid discussion of his house. I had reminded him of things to bring well in advance of his trip, but he is not organized and of course waited until the last minute to pack. He brought things he did not need and forgot things he did....more on that later.
Dad had not flown in a few years and was annoyed with all the security measures....removing shoes and belt, but arrived on time and in good shape. We met him inside, helped him with his luggage and whisked him away to our home. Problem #1... he was cold. I cranked the heater up as high as I could stand it. But let's face it.....old people taking blood thinners get cold. And younger people hustling and bustling around cooking and working stay warmer. So I wrapped him in blankets and seated him by the fire.
Chris and I had to work, but we kept him entertained most of the time. We went home to take him lunch and set him up with the TV and his favorite shows for Thursday and Friday. We took him to a party on Thursday night, a progressive dinner and he had a great time. On Friday night we took him to a show he enjoyed. Saturday it was off to the Nasher Sculpture Center (he loves architecture) and the Arts District. That night we went out to dinner with relatives and drove by the beautiful lights out in Plano. Sunday evening our younger daughter arrived home for Christmas, where she too could spend some quality time with Gaggy (their made up name for their grandfather.)
This is starting to drone on a bit.....I better speed things up. My dad went to the Cooper Clinic to have a nutrional evaluation. He turned 88 in January, but plans to live until he is at least 100. He had lunch with some old Dallas friends, had lessons on his new Kindle (a gift from all of us) and spent lots of quality time with us. One of the highlights was a night I found an old letter online that had been written by his great grandmother. I read that to him for about an hour. What a treat for him and me. Problem #2 as well as a lowlight......he failed to bring enough of his medicines. I was able to arrange for a friend of his to pick them up and overnight them to him up here. My take on that....he did it to "punish me" for clearing out his house. I know that sounds crazy, but I have a degree in psychology and that's what I think he did subconsciously.
We had not made definitive plans for his return to Houston. There were several possibilities, but we wanted to "play it by ear." We knew for sure that we would be able to drive him back to Houston on December 31st. Our daughter was flying out of Houston for a school trip and we would be taking her down there then. But I woke up on Christmas morning (after staying up until 3AM finishing baking and wrapping) and said "Good morning and Merry Christmas" only to be greeted by my father saying, "I'm going home tomorrow."
I'll save that lovely story for my next blog. But here's a hint....it upset me and hurt my feelings. But I can take comfort in knowing that I did everything humanly possible to make my father happy and to provide him with a special and non lonely Christmas, his first alone. Please visit our website @www.hereforyouhomecare.com or call our office at 214-389-9401 if your loved one lives in the greater Dallas area and we could provide a compassionate caregiver to support their independence and dignity while staying in the comfort of their own home. Next time....the rest of my father's stay and our return trip to Houston.
To be continued......Jan
Now keep in mind that I had arranged for that flight back in early November when the sales were happening. In the meantime, we had only arrived back from Houston on December 13th, after our whirlwind cleaning out his house extravaganza. I'm not quite sure what my father's idea of emptying a house was, but apparently it was not the same as ours. We painstakingly went through each item in the house and had to make a decision about its disposition. Should we keep it, donate it, recycle it.....take it to my father, save it for posterity? These were all extremely tough decisions, but ones we were forced to make on the spot and without delay.
My dad was not prepared to do this and did not provide us with much guidance. Besides already moving most of his prized possessions, he only told us of a few additional items he wanted. Obviously we disposed of some things that later on my father thought of and wanted. But we did the best we could under the circumstances. I knew that when he first saw his emptied house, he would be upset. But I was not prepared for his incredibly strong and emotional response. To us an empty house meant just that, an empty house. I guess to him it meant shuffling a few things around. So needless to say he was very angry with me after seeing the house on December 14th, 2 days before his scheduled arrival here in Dallas.
Now I know that people tend to take things out on the ones they love. We know that we can treat them badly and they will still love us...still be there when the dust settles. But after the phenomenal time, energy, sweat and tears we spent cleaning out that house, I began growing weary of being blamed instead of thanked. If professionals had emptied the house it would have cost thousands of dollars and everything would have been thrown away. While we did it for free and I saved boxes and boxes and boxes of treasures that I will eventually have time to go through.
So back to the point....my dad's arrival here on December 16th. He was still angry with me and honestly I had grown angry with him....tempered by my empathy with his emotional struggle and grieving. I was prepared to start fresh and avoid discussion of his house. I had reminded him of things to bring well in advance of his trip, but he is not organized and of course waited until the last minute to pack. He brought things he did not need and forgot things he did....more on that later.
Dad had not flown in a few years and was annoyed with all the security measures....removing shoes and belt, but arrived on time and in good shape. We met him inside, helped him with his luggage and whisked him away to our home. Problem #1... he was cold. I cranked the heater up as high as I could stand it. But let's face it.....old people taking blood thinners get cold. And younger people hustling and bustling around cooking and working stay warmer. So I wrapped him in blankets and seated him by the fire.
Chris and I had to work, but we kept him entertained most of the time. We went home to take him lunch and set him up with the TV and his favorite shows for Thursday and Friday. We took him to a party on Thursday night, a progressive dinner and he had a great time. On Friday night we took him to a show he enjoyed. Saturday it was off to the Nasher Sculpture Center (he loves architecture) and the Arts District. That night we went out to dinner with relatives and drove by the beautiful lights out in Plano. Sunday evening our younger daughter arrived home for Christmas, where she too could spend some quality time with Gaggy (their made up name for their grandfather.)
This is starting to drone on a bit.....I better speed things up. My dad went to the Cooper Clinic to have a nutrional evaluation. He turned 88 in January, but plans to live until he is at least 100. He had lunch with some old Dallas friends, had lessons on his new Kindle (a gift from all of us) and spent lots of quality time with us. One of the highlights was a night I found an old letter online that had been written by his great grandmother. I read that to him for about an hour. What a treat for him and me. Problem #2 as well as a lowlight......he failed to bring enough of his medicines. I was able to arrange for a friend of his to pick them up and overnight them to him up here. My take on that....he did it to "punish me" for clearing out his house. I know that sounds crazy, but I have a degree in psychology and that's what I think he did subconsciously.
We had not made definitive plans for his return to Houston. There were several possibilities, but we wanted to "play it by ear." We knew for sure that we would be able to drive him back to Houston on December 31st. Our daughter was flying out of Houston for a school trip and we would be taking her down there then. But I woke up on Christmas morning (after staying up until 3AM finishing baking and wrapping) and said "Good morning and Merry Christmas" only to be greeted by my father saying, "I'm going home tomorrow."
I'll save that lovely story for my next blog. But here's a hint....it upset me and hurt my feelings. But I can take comfort in knowing that I did everything humanly possible to make my father happy and to provide him with a special and non lonely Christmas, his first alone. Please visit our website @www.hereforyouhomecare.com or call our office at 214-389-9401 if your loved one lives in the greater Dallas area and we could provide a compassionate caregiver to support their independence and dignity while staying in the comfort of their own home. Next time....the rest of my father's stay and our return trip to Houston.
To be continued......Jan
Monday, January 4, 2010
"One Man's Trash is Another Man's Treasure"
So D-Day had come...the day when we would begin dismantling my mother and father's home, the house I had grown up in since I was 10. All of the preparations had been made, the dumpster ordered, the car moved, the necessary packing & storing cartons in place. We were ready for the daunting task in front of us...or so we thought. Our kids had arrived from Portland, Oregon on Wednesday afternoon, December 9th. They were "in charge."
Our daughter is an efficiency expert, an industrial engineer by trade along with possessing excellent managerial skills and being able to delegate with great authority. Our son in law is also quite proficient in these areas as well as being strong, hard working and efficient with moving, sorting and loading. Needless to say...they were the team leaders. Now that certainly doesn't mean that they didn't get down and dirty...they did quite a lot of that. In fact they were so smart as to buy cheap white t-shirts that they threw away at the end of each day. We had gloves, masks and other protective equipment to wear. Houses can collect quite a bit of dust, dirt and mold in 47 years.
K&G had a lot of the garage cleaned out by the time we arrived early Thursday afternoon. To say my father is a pack rat would be putting it mildly. We found multiple copies of newspapers dated from when JFK was assasinated, when Nixon resigned and many other historical events. My father had been president of every oranization he ever belonged to....and there were quite a few. Sometimes I think he spent more time running the Rotary or the dance club or the blood board than he did working at his real occupation. So he had saved minutes and notes and an assortment of documents pertaining to all those organizations. What were we to do with all of those? Luckily, K&G had the foresight to rent a truck for all of the hauling expeditions.
Everything possible was taken to the local recycling facility....papers, cans, glass, plastic, cardboard....even aerosols. My father is adamant about recycling, but didn't always have the resources or necessary transportation to make sure his items were transported. So we handled all of his recycling for him. He would be proud and applaud those efforts. One minor problem arose in keeping my father away. Nobody wants to see their precious treasures or memories being thrown away, donated or moved, especially after just losing their beloved wife. So it was easier for us to just make decisions and press on. Since my father isn't driving anymore due to his bad eyes, we were able to accomplish that most of the time. We brought him over a few times and other friends did also, but it just upset him and slowed us down. So we discouraged that.
Now my father kept saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure." And while that might be true in many instances, it is not always true in my father's circumstance. With his poor vision, he could not see all the "trash" he had accumulated in recent years. A person isn't likely to throw things away if he can't see what they are. He is afraid it might be something important. So in my father's case....one man's trash is another man's trash. We had little direction from my father on what to keep and what to dispose of other than finding and keeping 2 things he wanted for sure. We had already moved the majority of his belongings to his new "digs." If he had given us other directions, they would have been to save everything. Obviously that was not possible. So we moved onward and upward donating and recycling as much as possible.
One lucky break was that the trash was going to be collected the following day. So we were able to dispose of many garbage bags and several very badly worn pieces of furniture that way. We also donated quite a few items and food to the local schools to be used for their classes, education programs and food drive. With a huge orange dumpster in the driveway and people working almost around the clock, neighbors couldn't help but notice us. Many stopped and offered support and kind words about my mother. My parents had been fixtures in the neighborhood for quite some time.
There was a massive amount of "stuff" to be gone through and at times we thought we would never finish, let alone on time. After all K&G had to fly back to Oregon on Sunday afternoon and we had to return to Dallas. I for one was especially skeptical about if we could accomplish our task....meet our goal/deadline. Several other relatives came and helped out for a few hours several days, but far and away the overwhelming majority of the task was accomplished by K&G. Chris and I did our fair share, but nothing close to the 2 chiefs. They even said if another grandma died the next week, they would go clean out her house. That's just what family does....and right they are. So here's to K&G for their unwavering support, help, time, energy and hard work.
So after 4 1/2 long days, one 30 cubic yard dumpster filled, 14 trips to Goodwill (with a huge truck filled with items), 18 trips to recycling and 120 garbage bags filled we achieved our goal...or at least close to it. Our earliest morning starting work was 8:00AM. The latest night was 11:30PM. I brought home hundreds and hundreds of pictures, family documents, heirlooms, furniture and boxes that will take me a year to go through. Some items I will place in albums, some I will give to the other side of my mother's family and some I will save for the next generation. It is not easy to throw away treaures of people you have known and loved. I'll leave that for the future. There were still a few things left in the house.....some that my father would pick up later, some that my father wanted to store for a while, but overall I would say, "Operation Clean Sweep on ______ was accomplished."
Now it was time for the painters and other workers to come in and prepare the house for the next family. They will be making it their home and filling it with their treasures and memories. We will not forget that house or our memories, but it was time to move on. Soon I plan to blog about my father's first Christmas without my mother and how we worked feverishly and tirelessly to keep him entertained, occupied and his mind on happier things. So please visit our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com again soon. Call our office at 214-389-9401 if we could help your family with caregiving.
Thank you for listening/reading,
Jan
Our daughter is an efficiency expert, an industrial engineer by trade along with possessing excellent managerial skills and being able to delegate with great authority. Our son in law is also quite proficient in these areas as well as being strong, hard working and efficient with moving, sorting and loading. Needless to say...they were the team leaders. Now that certainly doesn't mean that they didn't get down and dirty...they did quite a lot of that. In fact they were so smart as to buy cheap white t-shirts that they threw away at the end of each day. We had gloves, masks and other protective equipment to wear. Houses can collect quite a bit of dust, dirt and mold in 47 years.
K&G had a lot of the garage cleaned out by the time we arrived early Thursday afternoon. To say my father is a pack rat would be putting it mildly. We found multiple copies of newspapers dated from when JFK was assasinated, when Nixon resigned and many other historical events. My father had been president of every oranization he ever belonged to....and there were quite a few. Sometimes I think he spent more time running the Rotary or the dance club or the blood board than he did working at his real occupation. So he had saved minutes and notes and an assortment of documents pertaining to all those organizations. What were we to do with all of those? Luckily, K&G had the foresight to rent a truck for all of the hauling expeditions.
Everything possible was taken to the local recycling facility....papers, cans, glass, plastic, cardboard....even aerosols. My father is adamant about recycling, but didn't always have the resources or necessary transportation to make sure his items were transported. So we handled all of his recycling for him. He would be proud and applaud those efforts. One minor problem arose in keeping my father away. Nobody wants to see their precious treasures or memories being thrown away, donated or moved, especially after just losing their beloved wife. So it was easier for us to just make decisions and press on. Since my father isn't driving anymore due to his bad eyes, we were able to accomplish that most of the time. We brought him over a few times and other friends did also, but it just upset him and slowed us down. So we discouraged that.
Now my father kept saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure." And while that might be true in many instances, it is not always true in my father's circumstance. With his poor vision, he could not see all the "trash" he had accumulated in recent years. A person isn't likely to throw things away if he can't see what they are. He is afraid it might be something important. So in my father's case....one man's trash is another man's trash. We had little direction from my father on what to keep and what to dispose of other than finding and keeping 2 things he wanted for sure. We had already moved the majority of his belongings to his new "digs." If he had given us other directions, they would have been to save everything. Obviously that was not possible. So we moved onward and upward donating and recycling as much as possible.
One lucky break was that the trash was going to be collected the following day. So we were able to dispose of many garbage bags and several very badly worn pieces of furniture that way. We also donated quite a few items and food to the local schools to be used for their classes, education programs and food drive. With a huge orange dumpster in the driveway and people working almost around the clock, neighbors couldn't help but notice us. Many stopped and offered support and kind words about my mother. My parents had been fixtures in the neighborhood for quite some time.
There was a massive amount of "stuff" to be gone through and at times we thought we would never finish, let alone on time. After all K&G had to fly back to Oregon on Sunday afternoon and we had to return to Dallas. I for one was especially skeptical about if we could accomplish our task....meet our goal/deadline. Several other relatives came and helped out for a few hours several days, but far and away the overwhelming majority of the task was accomplished by K&G. Chris and I did our fair share, but nothing close to the 2 chiefs. They even said if another grandma died the next week, they would go clean out her house. That's just what family does....and right they are. So here's to K&G for their unwavering support, help, time, energy and hard work.
So after 4 1/2 long days, one 30 cubic yard dumpster filled, 14 trips to Goodwill (with a huge truck filled with items), 18 trips to recycling and 120 garbage bags filled we achieved our goal...or at least close to it. Our earliest morning starting work was 8:00AM. The latest night was 11:30PM. I brought home hundreds and hundreds of pictures, family documents, heirlooms, furniture and boxes that will take me a year to go through. Some items I will place in albums, some I will give to the other side of my mother's family and some I will save for the next generation. It is not easy to throw away treaures of people you have known and loved. I'll leave that for the future. There were still a few things left in the house.....some that my father would pick up later, some that my father wanted to store for a while, but overall I would say, "Operation Clean Sweep on ______ was accomplished."
Now it was time for the painters and other workers to come in and prepare the house for the next family. They will be making it their home and filling it with their treasures and memories. We will not forget that house or our memories, but it was time to move on. Soon I plan to blog about my father's first Christmas without my mother and how we worked feverishly and tirelessly to keep him entertained, occupied and his mind on happier things. So please visit our website at www.hereforyouhomecare.com again soon. Call our office at 214-389-9401 if we could help your family with caregiving.
Thank you for listening/reading,
Jan
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